Today turned out to be a lot like yesterday. My day started off great. Woke up with a clear head and after taking the kids to school I went for a long wlak @ the lake again. This time I walked the whole stinkin' thing, about 4 miles. It felt good to be out in the crisp morning air and to feel the tightness in my legs from the exercise. I was feeling pretty emotional though and had to fight back tears.
Also, my mind was filled with worry and fear about the pain returning. I had to force myself to look at the trees, the birds and the ducks....force myself to think about the good things that were happening now, all around me. It was so hard. Within minutes my mind was back to the night before and planning what I would do if my pain came back.
After I returned home, about 1 in the afternoon, I again started to feel pressure in my head. Before the pain could really escalate, I drove to the doctor's office and went to the nurse's treatment center to get an i.v. magnesium sulfate procedure that was a standing order for me. They told me that they didn't give them @ this site, so an RN called around to see where I could go to get it. We discovered that I had to drive an hour to find a place that would do it, but I knew my husband would take me.
When I left home about 6 p.m. my pain was about a 5. By the time I got to the ambulatory care center @ Sunnyside my pain was about 6. I received the treatment and when it was over there was no change in my pain. Also, my blood pressure was 147/107 and the nurse who was attending me said that I needed to get my blood pressure checked again within a couple of days. We drove home and about 20 min. from home my pain was @ an 8 and I vomited. When we pulled into town I started crying and asked my husband to take me to the E.R. I didn't want to go home and just lay there suffering. I was soooo tired of hurting.
Of course the emergency room was busy, it always is, and it was a Friday night. My husband said, "Are you sure you want to stay?" I started crying and said, "I'm not leaving!!!"
I don't know how long we waited, it must have been two hours. I was completely miserable, agitated and full of anxiety when they called me back. I was at the point where all I wanted to do was die. In fact, I would have done anything for someone to just give me something so I could leave the planet. When they called me back to the room I started crying, first because I hurt so bad, and second I was hopeful that my misery would finally be over.
Of course once I got in there it would be at least another 1/2 hour before I got my first medication. Mentally I was really starting to lose it. At one point, I looked @ my husband so desperately and said, "I want to die, please just let me die..."
The first med they gave me in the i.v. calmed me down, the second was an anti-nausea medicine and the third was for the migraine. They also did a CT scan which showed nothing. After I got back to my room the ER doctor said something about me going home. My pain was down to a 5 but I was absolutely petrified to go home and told him that I had hoped my pain would be lower before I went home. He said they could administer the last medication they gave me again. That brought it down to a 2. But I have to say, either my anxiety, or the combination of meds, or both of these combined, caused me to feel completely drugged and very unsettled, like I was just squirming in my skin....it's hard to describe. I think the anti-nausea med was called compazine and the migraine med was seroquil (??) something with an "s" anyways! My blood pressure was still kind of high but lower than it was @ Sunnyside.
The weird thing was, that with this combination I didn't sleep, but I could hardly open my eyes for at least an hour. Very strange... according to my outpatient letter, the ER treated me for acute migraine headache, acute tension-type headache, acute uncontrolled hypertension and acute anxiety reaction.
After I got home (2 a.m.) I tried to go to sleep. I was really fighting some bad thoughts and so anxious about the headache returning. I called the 24 hour psych line and talked to a nice guy who gave me some really good suggestions. One was to follow up w/ a doctor the next day and talk about anti-anxiety medication.
I finally fell asleep about 5:30 a.m. and slept for an hour.
This is a day I hope to never repeat...
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