Who will you vote for?

Have You?
Originally uploaded by cameradawktor.

Well, today I had to give myself a shot. That makes 3 headaches this menstrual cycle. It was looking like it was going to be 2, but why be miserable. I had fought this headache all day, and was pretty mild, but was starting to pick up this afternoon. So i shot up.

The last two times I've taken DHE I have angled the needle and have had no leg pain afterwards. I mean, it hurts at the site, but I don't have leg pain for like 2 hours like in the past. Also, since the pain is milder the shot works in about an hour or so. So I'm feeling like a million bucks now. I got quite a bit of housework done today so it's not like in the past where my day is wasted fighting pain.

I'm beginning to think that maybe the botox did help. I mean, not drastically like I was hoping for and like I was told it would if it was working. But overall, it has made many headaches be so mild and disappear on their own. And, for the ones that stay it keeps them in a tolerable range. It could be the trileptal....or the botox. Who cares? I'm just glad something is helping.

I'm tempted to up my trileptal again to see if I get more benefit but I just did on the 20th, that's only 8 days ago so they won't do it yet. Perhaps after I get back from Thailand it will be a possibility. One great thing about my trip, is that about two or three days into it I will get to start taking prozac as my cycle approaches again. That seemed to be like a miracle pill for me this last time so I am so happy that it makes my chances of feeling good over there better.

Woohoo!!! :)

savior of the paraphanalia

aww...gotta love my new neurologist that is fighting for me:

"Not only do I not want your medication "paraphernalia" taken away, but I don't want YOU taken away. Letter's in the mail. Have a great trip, and I hope it's as close to pain free as possible"

*from when i asked him to write a letter to take w/ on the plane when i have to carry syringes on my carry on!*

woohoo!

Praise the Lord for Prozac....

I have had such a great streak since I started my 10 days (this time 12) of Prozac before my cycle on Dec. 12th. I had my typical migraine the night before my period started (23rd) but I also had a head cold and my period was late so I didn't realize what was going on. Instead of giving myself a shot like I should of I took a frova and it did nothing. So a few hours later I took another frova and it didn't help much either. I was able to go to sleep that night with the headache but woke up in the middle of the night with it. I considered taking percocet, but since it's not technically on my list I tried something else first. I took some bendaryl and an ativan, got an ice pack and went back to sleep. I woke up without the headache and eventually started my cycle on the 24th. *typical explanation for a drug resistant headache!

The 24th and 25th were fine and then the morning of the 26th I woke up with another one. It wasn't very strong at all but since I know what to do with my period headaches I went ahead and gave myself a shot. I tried to angle the needle in this time and my leg didn't hurt at all this time (except from the initial shot) so that was great. Of course I took the compazine 20 min. before and it really helped quite quickly. I was able to have a normal day. However, I did notice that all day I felt very agitated and restless, unable to sit still. Anxious I guess. I don't know if this was from the DHE, period or what but it was pretty annoying and I tried to distract myself as much as possible and went to bed early to avoid feeling that annoying feeling.
In 15 days I only had 4 headaches I had to treat, including 2 menstrual ones, so that is a great improvement. It will be interestng to see how I do now w/out prozac until Jan. 10th. That's 15 days. It's possible that prozac in general could help a lot so I need to pay attention to that. Also, since the 20th I've increased my Trileptal another 100mg. to 300mg. so that could be a factor but I was noticing improvement before that (because of the prozac).

nothing hardcore but nothing to sniff at either

my oh my, it has been quite a few days since i have posted here.

baby steps, baby steps....and while far from being PERFECT i have made a slight improvement. it seems that since i've been on trileptal, my pain level has stayed relatively on the mild side. although i've noticed that even without pain, my neurological symptoms still impair me.....so don't get too excited here. but decreased pain is nothing to sniff about!

also, on the 12th i started my 10 days of prozac for the month. i decided to take 20 mg. instead of 10 (the choice was to be determined by me). i have had fairly frequent mild headaches that have dissapated w/ ice, one that took frova and one last night that went away with 2 aleve. and, as i said, all with pretty mild pain.

so definitely a babystep of progress. we'll see what changes my doctors want to make to make this permanent (the prozac is only 10 days a month) and improve upon it. i see one of my doctors tomorrow.

on the same page

So yesterday afternoon I was fighting off a headache. I went to bed and woke up a few times. At 3 a.m. I finally took a frovatriptan. I couldn't fall asleep for about an hour when the frova kicked in. Praise Jesus for frova.

Today has been a great day, no pain at all and no side effects to speak of from the frova. Went for my walk, wrapped some presents, tidied up a bit and got a few other things done. Also made a good dinner and the handyman/friend/fellow churchgoer whose doing some work @ our house stayed for dinner. That's when I know I'm having a good day, when I can entertain. Also, Meyer D's youth leader's daughters came over to play with my boys while she was at youth group. Great day!

Yesterday afternoon I talked about how my friend called and I talked to him about getting some marijuana to try with my migraines. I didn't realize that when I was done blogging about it I just minimized it on the computer screen. My husband NEVER reads my blog/s. Well last night he did and never said a word about it to me. He's heard me make comments about wanting to see if pot works for my pain and has even chimed in with me but we have never talked about it. I've been nervous about doing so because I don't want to hear the word no. And I have a policy about not doing things that my husband has said no to, because we're a team and I don't want him doing that to me. Also, as I have said before, this is a big issue for me especially being a Christian and being active in my church. It's just not a very common way to handle a chronic pain medical problem.

Anyway, this morning I mentioned something to him about it, that I had talked to our friend about it. And he said, "I know." I said, "How did you know? Did our friend tell you?"

"No, I read your blog. It's on the www you know...."

He said he supports me but agreed with the friend that I need to do so with the permission and knowledge of my doctor. I know he's right, it's just not what I want to hear. It is so like me though to want to take control of my medical care and not trust that my doctors will meet my needs. I don't want to talk to them about something important and have them say what I don't want to hear: no or I can't help you.

So, I have a call into one of the social workers in my chronic pain group and will ask her how doctors usually approach this subject and under what circumstances they consider it. I am anticipating a strong negative response from my neurologist so I want to have a little more information before I bring it up. As I have said before, I have no intention of relying on it (if it helps) for the sole treatment of my problem. I just want it to relieve pain in times when I have exhausted my other resources. Unless he thinks it would be useful for something on a more regular basis for prevention.

I really don't know how it works. I am not a weed toker.

I will update more when the social worker lady calls me back. They are really pro patient so I need to accept whatever it is she has to say, and I picked the most liberal one to call....

when asked, a good friend will tell you the truth even when they know you don't want to hear it

I wrote the other day that I was considering checking into medical marijuana. My plan was to try it and then approach my doctors to get a perscription for it.

Well, I don't know anyone who uses it, where to get it, how to do it, etc. I have a friend who used to, so I asked him about it.

He knew what I wanted to hear, because I could hear the change in his voice when he said what I didn't want to hear.

"Get it through your doctor."

He suggested I ask my doctor FIRST and try it through them. He had a point, I quickly realized that it may not look good for me if I've tried it, more than once and THEN ask. Perhaps it would look like I was just trying to get what is normally an illegal drug. He had a point. Makes sense. But it's scarry. Which doctor should I ask and when?

I don't think I'll ask my neurologist because I think he wants to try a lot of different things, which I would still like to try. It just takes so blasted long.

I think I'll contact the pain clinic I went through and ask them what the normal protocol is on this. I know these people are "on my side" and want to see my pain managed. Perhaps its reserved for people who have pain everyday. I don't know. All I know is that for the past few weeks 2 days is the maximum I've had between headaches.

I have one right now.

I'm hoping that I could use it sometimes as a "rescue med" when I've exhausted the other supplies of medicine that I have here. I know you can use it regularly to prevent them but it's probably not the best medicine of choice for that. But it's better than nothing, which is where I'm at now in the midst of trying to find something to work.

With how long the process takes it could happen in a few weeks (finding something to prevent) or it could take a year or more. It's just such a stinking long process, and all I care about is today and tomorrow.

Also, since it's ten days before my period, today was my day to start prozac and I've decided to take 20 mg. everyday. I had the choice between 10-20 mg.

no shaeking, verry breakable

Yah, do you ever feel like that? The - don't shake me I'm breakable kind?

Yup, I was quite a grouch when I woke up this morning but besides it being time to start my 10 days of prozac before my menstrual cycle, I took quite a bit of drugs yesterday for the migraine. Think they must have had to wear off and the prozac had to kick in because I didn't feel good until around noon. Don't get me wrong, I was functional, just crabby. Trust me, it's been worse though, just an observation.

So the whole day, start to finish, has been great. Even made a nice dinner for the family and went shopping tonight for secret elf presents for some people we know. We are secretly taking them presents for the 12 days of christmas and since tomorrow is the first day, meyers d and i went shopping for all the loot we're going to sneak them. gosh it was fun. someone did it to us this year so we know how much this family of 10 is going to enjoy it...

earlier today I was wrapping presents while the kids were in school and noticed this writing on the two presents max-ay is giving tse. funny thing is, max-ay is the one whose been shaking his presents and trying to peek while they're being wrapped - stinker!

kids, what a goof ball!

rough water and good times

Better start off with Saturday December 9th. Woke up with a headache so took the compazine and then gave myself a DHE shot 20 min. later. Of course, like usual, my leg hurt very bad for a while and I had to limp for an hour and a half, but because my pain was at a 4 when I took it, it didn't take very long at all to feel better.

I was able to conduct the rest of my day, to visit with my friend who was travelling from Montana and to go to Home Group which is a dinner gathering/fellowship time with people from our church. My head did start hurting late in the evening though. I tried so hard to watch what I ate (they ate chinese food and I ate a hot chicken sandwich). But we did watch a movie on a big screen, and like the last time I did that, the sound and noise bothered me. I am going to have to be mindful of that next time I'm in that situation.

So today, the 10th, I woke up with a headache. This is where it gets tricky because I totally had exhausted all the meds I could take w/ what I've been perscribed. I did take 2 Aleve but that's borderline whether I should have taken it or not. I went to church and wore my earplugs because I wanted to go and I was hoping to sell more calendars (I sold 1 :-) ) But my pain got up towards a 4 so I took 2 percocet which are my perscription but not something my neurologist wants me to be taking. After a few hours my head was still hurting so I went to Urgent Care clinic and got a torredol shot. An hour or so after I returned home my head felt much better. A few hours ago it felt like it was coming back but for some reason that feeling went away and I am feeling great now. I was quite groggy from the percocet for a number of hours but that feeling has subsided as well.

I need to scroll back on the blog here and figure out how many consecutive days I have been having pain recently because it's been at least a week. This is not o.k. for me so I think I'll e-mail the neuro tomorrow and let him know what is going on, looks like 6/10 days I've had headaches. Guess it was a little exaggeration today from saying that everyday this week I had one. Actually, I thought it was 6/7 days but things were a little better than that. Still with this kind of frequency, that's what it feels like!

Man I hope tomorrow's a good day! Oh, I was really tearful today, I don't know what was going on, could be something hormonal. Time will tell.

Well, this wouldn't be a truthful account if I didn't mention some of my thoughts recently. A friend of mine who shall remain completely anonymous said that her friend smokes weed. I've really been thinking lately that I would like to try it and see if it helps control migraine frequency or reduce pain. If it is something that helps I would approach my doctor and see if I could get a perscription for it.

I am quite nervous about talking to my doctor about it, but I also have a personal policy of being honest to the point of transparency. This is quite a big stretch I've reached, I think, to take this kind of drastic action, since it is illegal without a perscription. My main concern though, honestly, is to improve my quality of life. And, I have no intention of not pushing my doctors to provide this for me, or more importantly, give medical permission for me to use it if it helps.

There's a lot of controversy that surrounds this I know, especially as a Christian. I feel like in my own heart that this should be the last on a long list of things one should try. I have honestly no idea - exactly- how long the list of medications is that I've tried. But I noticed my neuro had about three pieces of paper stapled together of medications that I've taken/currently taking.

It's insane really. Everything I'm on so far is not doing it for me. I will have to increase dosages or add something else. Don't get me wrong, I'm totally willing to do that. But I'm also willing to try accupuncture, and I'm finding myself totally ready to try weed.

Of course I don't want to get caught, but I believe if fear is a thing I struggle with, I have more fear of my pain being frequent and/or out of control than getting busted for smoking pot. And, like I said, I must irriterate that I have ever intention of insisting that my doctor write a perscription for me if it works. I have a strong ethical need to be completely honest and I may even be so honest as to notify my doctor, before I try it illegally and let him know that is my plan.

hmmm....many things to think about.

another interesting week in the life of a chronic pain patient.

let's hope this last bit of honesty doesn't bite me in the butt, but then again, I am trying to deal with this problem I don't want and didn't ask for, the best way I can. And I'm trying to keep a humble approach about it all. Let's just say that more and more, I'm beginning to understand more about what others go through in life, and any judgements I've had, are slowly slipping away.

Understanding is a good thing, unfortunately it comes at a stinkin' high cost.

must be grace...

Wednesday was my neuro appointment. Woke up with a tiny baby headache. By the time I got to the appointment it was 2-3 and on the way home it was reaching a 4. Since I had no more drugs at home that I could take I could either cheat and take the percocets I'm not supposed to take or have my husband take the rest of the day off of work and take me to the clinic in Vancouver, Washington for an i.v. treatment of Depacon. I opted for following the rules.

I have never got a depacon i.v. before and let me just say, it's much easier to get i.v.'s like this when the pain is only at a 4. At a 6-8, very uncomfortable. I'm so glad I wasn't reliving October.

Let's just say that it took 5 hours for the depacon to work, but at least it didn't make the pain worse. I did also have to take two Aleve and I don't know how much they helped but I took them as well.

Thursday was a great day, a nice break from the day before.

Today, Friday the 8th and my son's 8th birthday, I woke up with a stiff neck. As the morning progressed it got quite painful and was moving up my head on the same right hand side. However, sometime while I was getting my haircut (which usually makes it worse), my headache up and disappeared. I didn't take anything for it but did rub tigerbalm on the muscles in my neck.

Not sure what happened, it must be grace. Whatever it was I LIKE IT! With taking frovas 3x last week, I need to hold off a few days before I get another one. And, I don't really have the time to drive to Vancouver (30+ min.) to get a Depacon treatment, especially when it takes 5 hours for it to work AND I can't drive myself.

Here's a cutiemus picture of my cornball kid today on his birthday

updates

Thursday the 29th of November I believe I was headache free.

Friday and Saturday I had one and took frovas both times and got rid of them.

Sunday was fine but Monday I had a pretty bad headache. It started out mild in the morning. By noon it was feeling like I was needing to take something for it. I really tried to ride it out because I had already took my allotment for the week, and I didn't feel like I could make the trip for my rescue med because my two boys had the flu. Anyway, by 2 or so I took a frova and in a couple of hours I was still hurting the same. So 5pm I took another and was still hurting. My mom took me to the urgent care clinic and it took so long for them to see me that by the time I got in my frovas had finally worked and my pain was down to a 2. The nurse practitioner gave me some pain pills in case I had another headache that I wouldn't be able to treat in the next couple of days and a suppository because it seemed like I was getting the flu.

Long story short, yesterday the 5th I had no pain but felt pretty yuckos from all the meds I had to take the day before.

Today is my NP appointment for neuro, so I'll update about that later in the day.

Now that's what I'm talking about

The 27th, Monday, I ended up w/ a pretty good whanger in the evening after doing some house cleaning and getting the Christmas tree and because it was still my cycle I gave myself a shot. It took at least three or four hours for it to work, but it worked! My pain got up to a four but never went any higher than that.

Tuesday was a fabulous day that included spending time with some friends and going to the dentist as well as taking Max-Ay to the dentist. Papa D took the kids to our friends' house to get hair cuts and I stayed home to get a little more done around the house and to just take it easy.

Today was great as well. TSE brought Zachary home from school with him and they had a great time playing. He's a pretty funny kid and I enjoyed having him over.


Then, we went to the doctor's office for Meyer D's contact recheck appt. and I went extra early to get my Hepatitis A shot in preparation for Thailand. Papa D was pretty jealous of me because he needed quite a few shots and I only needed one! He must have mentioned that 3+ times. I don't see what the big deal about shots is....

I e-mailed Dr. Roz about the botox today and she said to go ahead and schedule another botox appt. and to watch and see how my next two menstrual cycles go. I told her I didn't think I was successful w/ the botox but maybe she thought otherwise. Only time will tell.

All I know is that so far I am tolerating the Trileptal very well, it's like I am having no side effects whatsoever. I don't know how much it is helping with the headaches yet but has been doing pretty well for mood. We'll have to keep an eye on that too. I'm just glad that it's been more than a month since I've needed an IV med. Even though I would like for the frequency to be decreased, at least I am able to manage the pain and care for myself at home. For now, this is the definition of success.

if today was a battle, i'm a winner

If today was a battle, I'm a winner. Typically, this would be a migraine day for me but wahoo, I was perfect all day. (Only 2 hrs. left in it!)

I have had half the migraines in this cycle so far that I would normally have and half the pain. This smells like success to me.

Today I went to church, took my earplugs and WORE THEM!! I even sold @ least 6 calendars. That was great. Then we went to my brother-in-law's for my nephew Vinh's 6th birthday. My sister-in-law, who is Vietnamese, is a fabulous cook. My BIL BBQ'd pork loin steaks, we had rice and a wonderful salad. Her parents were there and brothers, and a cousin. Lots of kids and Vietnamese talk. It's great to be the minority sometimes and have the feeling of being an outsider as you have no idea what the heck anyone is talking about. More people should have that experience in their lives. We English speaking American's are not the only ones on the planet you know!!!

Then we came home for an hour and let the dog out before going to a Thailand meeting @ a local restaraunt. I can't believe we only have 6 weeks or so left. That is just amazing to me. And, I am not as fearful about going since I have a few decent weeks under my belt and no uncontrolable pain as of present. I talked with a woman whose husband is leading out trip. She lives over there and has health problems. She goes to a very reputable doctor and I've decided that if I were to get miserable there, I would seek healthcare. Thailand has wonderful healthcare @ an extremely cheap price, so that shouldn't be a problem.

It's amazing that a month ago it seemed unfathomable for me to go and enjoy myself and now, it definitely seems in reach.

Not so bad this time

Boy, have I been slack here.

Let's see. Monday (the 20th) I had a pretty stiff headache. Gave myself a shot and it still took about 6 hours to feel better.

Tuesday and Wednesday were pretty good. Thursday the 23rd, Thanksgiving, I did pretty good until the evening. I was watching a movie on a big screen in a small room and started to feel lightheaded. I took a frovatriptan as the migraine was starting and felt better w/in an hour. Went home and went to bed only to wake up with the headache again. I got an icepack, took an Ativan and went back to sleep. I was then able to wake up without the headache.

Friday was great and Saturday was fine until about 11 am. I started to feel very sleepy and then noticed that my menstrual cycle was starting. Within a few hours I started to get a headache. By the time I decided to give myself a shot of DHE the pain was picking up to a three but never got past that. I think my worst symptom was the tiredness. It was strange, like all the energy was drained out of me. Within a few hours the pain and the tiredness was gone.

This was the first menstrual cycle in a long time that I didn't have really bad, burning type headache pain.

Trying not to jump to conclusions

Here's a cutimous picture from the photo shoot w/ my great niece miss petuniah peach. We had such a great time. My husband's family is so large that it's impossible to have intimate, personal time w/ 30+ people in a room. Friday, I got Miss Petunia Peach all to myself (so to speak). It was wonderful, because I got to see her little personality, get plenty of time holding her, and just find out what she's like.

She's a cool kid. And I think, will be very smart. She could stare at you for hours w/out blinking, it's amazing. And she's so serious. I mean, she smiles, but she just studies people, studies the world. Very quiet and calm too. I love her! And we had such great fun taking pictures of her.

I didn't really eat lunch before I left home and by the time I ate dinner I was quite hungry. I think I waited too long to eat. And all things considered, I got by pretty well w/ that even though I had a slight headache when I got home. Driving home in the dark with the flashing bright lights in my eyes probably didn't help either.

I didn't take anything before I went to bed and was able to sleep just fine.

Saturday morning I still had the headache when I woke up. It wasn't too bad and I tried to ignore it. But by 11 a.m. I realized that if I wanted to do more than ice my head on the couch all day that I would need to take something. Also, I was feeling in such a funk I realized that it was probably time to start the prozac that i'm supposed to take the 10 days before my period. It's hard to say when it will start since I'm just coming off the birth control pills, but I'm right in the ballpark. Feeling that way, well, it's just a sign.

So I took the frovatriptan, endured feeling quite moody for a few hours and was still able to go to celebrate Thanksgiving with my side of the family. I think I would have had to stay home if it weren't for the frovatriptan, and the Ativan too. I took the Ativan because the irritability problems that I get w/ my cycle started to flare up and it was either go to bed and pull the covers over my head or take a chill pill. I decided that since I was fighting a migraine I didn't need the added irritability. I think I made a good decision because the headache went away, I was able to enjoy my family, and I got a good night's rest.

I even woke up this a.m. with no headache and had a 100% day. However, by this morning, I was getting really discouraged at the botox, as it wasn't seeming to be helping me. I kept telling myself that after two weeks I'd have more days under my belt as proof to whether it was going to be working or not. Just because the first few days were less than perfect didn't mean that the next few wouldn't be better.

At least today, anyway, has been great. I've also noticed that the botox has really affected all the muscles in my forehead and on the sides of my head too. It feels tight. Do you know what it feels like to put that clear packaging tape on your face? That's what it feels like, like if I try to raise my eyebrows I feel tightness, firmness.

I suppose this is how you lose the wrinkles. I sure hope it will significantly impact my headaches. I'm sure I could endure another disappointment but I really really want this to be a go for me. Maybe it won't be THE answer, but just so it could help a significant amount would be so nice.

I'm trying to be patient and not jump to conclusions about it. It's going to be what it's going to be....all I can do is enjoy the good day I had today.

It's a Done Deal

Well, it's a done deal. Here's a most blurry-ish self-portrait of me AFTER the botox. It only took about 15 min. and there were at least 15, maybe 20 injection sites. You can see a little bump right between my eyes, and that is one that was raised for a few minuites.

It felt like someone was poking me with a safety pin so wasn't what you would call painful. But I got two on each side down by my eyebrow and those made me jump a little bit.

Definitely not a big deal.

The doctor said that 7 out of 10 people find relief. So much relief that it can decrease the pain level, frequency level, and the need for medications by 75%!!!

Truly amazing. Now I'm waiting to find out if I am in the majority or the minority. I was pretty cocky/confident at first. We even went out to dinner to celebrate! But like a dork, I ate corn chips and salsa, guacamole and mushrooms w/ my steak fajita. Except for the steak fajita, all those are NO NO's. Within a few hours I started to get a migraine on the left side which radiated all the way down my neck. I iced it for 20 min. and tried for a few hours to see how it would go w/out a frovatriptan, but by the time I went to bed there was no doubt in my mind that this was a migraine. It made no sense to try not to treat it at that point so I took the frovatriptan.

I woke up feeling great!

At first I thought I would have to cancel my great-niece's photo shoot because I had to go buy backdrop material first and she lives an hour away. It will make for a busy day and I thought I may need to take it easy. But I've been feeling so good that I decided to go ahead and do it. It's just that I'm trying to stay w/in my 2 frova's a week parameters. I DON'T want to go to Urgent Care because I get the third headache that I am not supposed to treat, AND I do not want to lay around miserable because I can't treat it.

That's why I have to take care of myself if I need to, keep things low key and be careful about my eating and my exercising. *Unfortunately it looks like I won't get to go walking today....*

Last night showed me that if the Botox helps, that doesn't mean I can just start shoving anything in my mouth that I want to. I'll need to continue watching what I eat/drink w/ all the other migraine prevention things I am learning to do.

Before Botox Photo

yipee kai yai yeah

Well, yesterday (Tues. the 14th) was a stinkin' fantabulous day. No pain whatsoever. I even went to my niece T.W.'s women's college basketball game. She is going to the U of Idaho, playing for the Vandals. They were up against the Portland Pilots (U of Portland) and lost. The whole family enjoyed the game because for virtually all of her college career she hasn't been able to play due to injury. What's great, is that her first game back, she played in the closest campus to her hometown. Almost all of her aunts and uncles got to see her play. And, I didn't even have to wear earplugs or worry about not feeling good.

Today was great too. I went walking, about 4 miles, had my kidney stone check-up (still lots of stones but we're going to wait another 6 mos. and see what happens), ran a few errands, and went to a friend's house for the afternoon. It's amazing with how just a few days of feeling perfect I already start thinking about what I'm going to do with my new life: get a job, be a better housekeeper, invite friends over, etc. I think it would be just grand if this was FINALLY the time where the well stretch far outlasted my previous record of 22 days.

So Botox is tomorrow afternoon and I'll post all of the details about that. I think that so far, the decreased Lamictal is helping, the propanolol (as I haven't had any pulse problems/artery pain) and the MigreLief. I'm hoping that the Botox will be the icing on the cake. Don't know how much all of these things will help the menstrual migraines yet, but I am hopeful.

Wait, did I say that???????

So Happy I Could Hop!

Wow, what a great day!

I felt perfect until about 1 pm today, after I ate lunch (cottage cheese & peaches w/ baked apple).

Just some pressure in my right temple so I iced it for twenty min. then went for a walk. By the time I was done walking I was back to a 100%. The cold, crisp air felt so good. I've been using ice lately and it really seems to help. Headaches can go away in an hour or so and w/out medicine. This is such a welcome change from Hell Week (last week of October).

I needed the break and the encouragement.

Only 2 more day until Botox....

I'm so happy I could do the bunny HOP!

Ya, Sometimes Life is Like That....Sometimes...

So this weekend, 3 day Veteran's holiday, I braved it and took the kids to stay @ the Breakers Hotel in Long Beach, Washington. I say braved it, because since I was the sole parent and sole chauffer, I knew I would really need to depend on my health to go.

Fortunately, it worked out great. Not just because I was able to control my headaches ( I had a few but was able to manage them), but also because there were two big storms this weekend. The trip to the Coast on the Washington slide was blocked on SR4 just 20 min. from my house due to a slide that happened from a previous storm just a few days ago. Fortunately, the Oregon side via Astoria was not blocked and is a little easier to travel anyway. I was just crossing my fingers and hoping that this route wouldn't be blocked too. Then I'd have to drive way north to Raymond and then home. Do-able but an extra long trip.

Friday I felt pretty good even with all of the driving. I ended up with a slight headache in the evening but was able to control it with tiger balm and an ice pack. It only lasted for a few hours...when I put the kids to bed I realized that I had only come in the contacts that were in my eyes. I forgot to bring my glasses and extra contacts. I am totally blind w/out them and didn't want to risk getting stuck there and not able to drive, so I loaded the kids up and drove all the way home to get them. 2 1/2 + total driving hours on Friday. Yikes! Made it home after 11 pm and we slept in our own beds.

Saturday morning we were out the door by 7:30 a.m. Felt some pressure in my head and was pretty irritable. By the time we got to Astoria, Oregon I decided to take a frovatriptan. Of course, like usual, the head not only felt better but the irritability went away too. Strange.....

It was a beautiful sunny day, a complete surprise for such a stormy weekend. We walked on the beach for a few minutes, went downtown and gave the kids each $10 to spend @ the arcade or on whatever they wanted. Then we went back to the Hotel and the kids went swimming. They have a nice sized indoor pool there. Woosh it was noisey in there, but they swam for about an hour. We rented Cheaper by the Dozen 2 from the Hotel lobby and watched that in the evening along with the latest episode of Little People Big World. Also, I had bought the kids a 400 piece puzzle before we left town and I helped them work on that too.

This morning it was time to go. First I took the dog for a walk on the beach. It was so windy that I could barely even walk against the wind. It was crazy! But as soon as I crossed back over the dunes it wasn't so bad. A good time to get out of town before the 85 mile an hour winds were supposed to pick up.

We had a pretty good drive home, not to wet but it was windy. Much better driving conditions than on Friday. We stopped for lunch/dinner @ the Logger Burger in Knappa, OR and I did a good job finding a meal on the menu that is migraine friendly. I had a green salad with carrots and beats w/ croutons and Ranch dressing, along with grilled chicken breast and baked potato. I haven't been real sure if baked potatoes are o.k. or not, but I didn't add sour cream and I didn't eat the skin (i love it but I read that the skin is high in tyramine).

We got home around 1 pm, rented a few movies and just kicked back the rest of the evening watching Sand Lot 2, Heidi, E! True Hollywood Story on Pink, and Extreme Home Makeover. I started to get a headache around 6 pm that started by the side of my nose on the right side and spread to my right temple, but I put some tiger balm on and iced it for twenty minutes. I drank some mint tea and within about an hour I started to feel fine. It was also time for my next dose of MigraLief and propanolol. I find that often in the mornings right before I take it and in the evenings right before I take it, that I feel pressure in my head. Within 20-30 min. of my taking the doses I often feel better. I think this stuff might be helping! Also, I've been encouraged this week in how my headaches have responded to non-prescription treatment and have dissipated on their own. That is very encouraging.

Only 4 more days until Botox. I sure hope that this will be the last big piece of the puzzle I need to get my headaches under control!

You Wanna Piece of Me???

Wow, what a great couple of days. On my Wednesday appointment my doctor and I decided to decrease the lamictal to half of the dose I was taking and see if the headache frequency would stabilize to it's old pattern in order that I could possibly stay on it. It really has been the best medicine I've ever taken to help with my moods. Changing medicines is always hard because you never know what kind of side effects you are going to experience. I may have to drop it all together, and even if I don't, I may still have to add something else. But for now, we have a plan.

Also, now that my menstrual cycles are going back to their old pattern I have to deal with the extreme mood changes I experience during that time. In the past, I had taken an extremely low dose of Prozac and that helped immensely. So, we are going to try that again. You take it the ten days leading up to your cycle.

Wednesday I had no headache at all and was even able to go out to dinner in Portland w/ the hubs and to a "Five for Fighting" concert @ the Aladdin Theatre. The whole thing was so awesome. We ate dinner @ Montego Bay which serves Jamaican food. Never had that before, so that was pretty exotic. I had lamb and the hubs had jerk chicken. (fortunately it didn't turn him into a jerk!)

The Aladdin Theatre is fabulous. I'm guessing it was built in the 1920's and is in the art deco style. We have a theatre like that in the town where I live that's a little bigger than the Aladdin. I loved the small cozy feel that this one had though. We got there a little after the warm up band had started. If we had went any later we wouldn't have been able to find a seat. As it was, we sat in the very back of the balcony, but still could still see just fine. I took my earplugs but didn't need to wear them.

It was so great to get out for a "date" and be able to fully enjoy myself. I actually felt like a real human!

This morning I woke up with a slight headache, but put an ice pack on my head and tried to go back to sleep for an hour. It helped a little bit. When I got up I could still feel the pressure so I put peppermint oil on my right temple where I could feel it. Within about two hours, and a little bit into my morning walk in the crisp Fall air, I went back to feeling 100%. Hallelujah!

I was very tired this afternoon. Either from going to bed @ midnight or from decreasing the Lamictal. I am wondering if I feel tired from the Propanolol (beta blocker) as it lowers blood pressure. But I would much rather deal with this side effect than be in pain. Also, that's another one of the many reasons that it's important for me to stay on Lamictal or something like it because it will help balance out even the slightest of depressive symptoms.

It may seem crazy that I would write about all this. But my philosophy is that sometimes life sucks. And that is putting it mildly. It doesn't always make since why some people would go through such difficult and challenging struggles. All I know is that I have been schooled in a class I would never register for, but here I am. It makes sense, therefore, that I make it worthwhile. To try to make something good out of something bad. It's my hope that somebody whose struggling with migraines, headaches, chronic pain, mental health issues or just life in general, will read this and know that they are not alone. And perhaps, maybe something that they read (could it be you?) could be helpful to them on this crazy path called life.

Measure of Faith

I took this picture because last night the weather man predicted that the Cowlitz River (near where I live) would be 15 feet above flood stage. That's quite a bit. This morning on my walk....there it is! The weather man's not always this accurate. I am sure he is thankful when he is, especially in important circumstances like this, where people's homes and livelihoods could be effected.

Sort of like my day yesterday.

I had been waiting for my doctor to respond to my e-mail about the lamictal possibly increasing my headache frequency. He got back to me in such a timely manner, it really helps me to trust him in his care for me. He said that lamictal does have the potential side effect for headache, amongst a few other things, but I wasn't experiencing those. He agreed that I should go off immediately and check with my psychiatrist on how to do that in a safe manner. I was so "high" after I received that e-mail and soooo relieved. Oh, and he also prescribed a new "resuce" medication called Depacon. It is administered by IV and I'll have to drive 45-75 min. to get it. But, I can't start using it until I'm completely off the lamictal.

I told my husband that I never thought I would be excited to go back to my previous headache pattern, which was quite frequent. But it would be so much better than what I've been experiencing lately. It's crazy, but it's true.

So Sunday and Monday were pretty much headache free and this morning I started feeling slightly irritable and sensitive to noise, but not as bad as usual, and then within an hour, slight pressure in my right temple. It's usually always in my right. So, instead of waiting around, I took a frovatriptan right away. Within an hour I was feeling 100% w/ no pressure in my head and I've continued to feel fine all day.

It's so nice to have a few days' break. Even though technically I had a migraine today, it didn't effect me at all and so I don't even count it really, although technically I have to.

I got out for my morning walk, which was so interesting today because the rivers, dikes and sloughs are flooding. Even people's yards who live in wetland areas (which is quite a bit of this area). Had to get some photos of that. Then I came home and typed a letter for the teacher's at Meyer D's school. I have asked the principal if I can put some of the calendars I'm selling on the staff room table. I just have not been able to market any accept for here on the internet. (thanks people!) So everyday that I feel good now, I have to do something towards selling a few more. I was hoping to have sold 50+ by now and I am quite short of that mark. Don't get me wrong. Anything I'm able to take and give away will be a blessing, but I have a goal and I'd sure be encouraged if I could reach it.

Also, my husband is going to be giving some financial advice to a friend this evening. The good thing about that is that I HAD to do some housework which I desperately needed to do. I was feeling so tired late in the morning. But once I started doing a little at a time it eventually faded. Thank God!

It seems like such a long time since I sensed something really important about my health, like a clue in the puzzle which is my life. An idea that was whispered to me in my Spirit for me to take action upon. It builds upon the measure of my faith and encourages me so much, even if it falls quite short of solving the problem entirely.

It gives me hope.

can i have a little help please?

Right now as I sit here eating my scrambled egg dinner (I couldn't bring myself to eat Chinese Food @ our Thailand meeting for fear of pain) I think I may have had my question answered that I threw across the sky this morning. Perhaps it didn't fall on deaf ears.... "can I have a little help please?" *I was actually hopeful when I said that.

It was a beautiful morning for walking. It had just gotten light out and the fog was just hanging low across the fields near where I walk and onto the tops of the trees. lovely! Even the ducks greeted me this morning and walked along with me for a while. They were my buddies!

And as I walked I was thinking about my worsening headaches of course, because it seems that lately it's about all I think about. It occured to me that my Lamictal was increased from 100mg. to 15omg. in early October (turns out Oct. 4th actually). That's about the time my "month from hell" started.

Then, I realized that the next dosage increase came Sept. 25th, and immediately, the next day in fact, I ended up getting IV medications and the next night landed in the E.R. The rest you are familiary with from the previous posts in the last week. This dosage increase was from 150mg. to 200mg.

Could there be a link between my worsening headaches and the Lamictal? It would be terrible if there was. It has helped me such a great deal with my moods (not counting the anxiety during menstruation and high pain levels). But overall, my husband admits I seem more loving, as in caring and nicer to be around.

But HARK! The headaches most definitely have gotten worse after each increase....

I braved church today. I took earplugs and did alright because I was feeling great before I left. We sold a few calendars this morning, about 5, and that is better than nothing.

After church my friend came and talked to me. She recently went on Lamictal and said her dose was 200mg. The interesting thing though, is she's had daily headaches since starting the medication. The other day she even had a migraine and she says she's never had one before.

I FREAKED! I had just made this correlation a few hours ago, and here she was confirming it w/out me even bringing it up!

When I got home I called the pharmacy and asked them about side effects. He said that yes, headache could be a side effect. So, although I don't know for sure, I e-mailed my PA and told him about my concern and what I've been noticing. Fortunately, all my trips to the doctor for IV meds are in my chart so it will be easy for him to substantiate that. Also, if he has more questions or needs more information, I can direct him to this blog.

It sounds crazy, but I'm so excited even though I was quite fearful at first. There are other mood stabilizer/migraine meds I can go on and this means that the increased frequency isn't a permanent thing, just due to a reaction with the medication.

The other day I asked myself the question: What kind of twisted life lesson am I supposed to learn from all this?

I think I've learned a few things in the last month.

1) that I am capable of going to the doctor or hospital when miserable, asking for help, and getting it

2) that I can e-mail my doctor and he will e-mail back and even order pain control for me

3) that I have lots of friends who love me and care about me and want to help me, especially with the children

4) that my husband wants to help me, hurts when I hurt and would do anything to help me get better

5) that IV magnesium DOES NOT work for me and even makes me feel worse

6) that sometimes I need extra aleve with DHE injections of IV's, and that if you inject yourself too close to a nerve your muscles will spaz out

7) that the throbbing pain pulsing through my neck was from borderline high blood pressure

8) that when I'm menstruating, along with super high pain, I tend to get very anxious and agitated. by asking for help, I can get medication that will keep me safe during this time

9) that there usually is a cause, explanation or a reason for what's happening to me, even if the answers are a long time in coming

10) that once pushed to the limit, I will do anything and give up anything (in this case a variety of foods) in order to be proactive in feeling better.

So, all in all, the help hasn't come yet. I'm hoping to hear a response back tomorrow, and if I haven't by late afternoon I will call my PA's advice line or leave a message for him on his voicemail. However, he seems to be exceptionally speedy and helpful with his responses, he may just have a backlog of messages from being out of the office for a week.

Tomorrow is a new day, and I will take it as it comes and deal with it the best I can.

This is getting really old....

This is getting really old....I woke up with another headache after spending all day yesterday with a mild one. It's hard to keep a good attitude.

My pain was at a three but my thinking was really slow and I was feeling kind of out of it. There was nothing here at home that I am allowed to take, and remembered the IV magnesium for "rescue."

This was a rescue kind of a day.

I know the magnesium didn't work last time, and my pain got worse a few hours afterward, but I also got it when my pain was really high to start with.

Because my pain was at a three I figured that if it worked, my body would respond to it better since things weren't out of control. And, if it didn't work, then we'd know and could move onto something else.

So, the hubs drove me an hour to get the treatment, and sure enough, no change in pain. On the way home (another hour...obviously...) it started to pick up. Without even asking him, the hubs drove me over to Urgent Care because they hadn't closed yet. To see what they could do for me. I was starting to get really discouraged too. The good attitude I had earlier had completely faded and I was pretty down.

The nurse that was helping me was nice enough, but she was asking me all kinds of questions that I was annoyed with. Like, don't you have a doctor helping you with this? Haven't they given you this or that medication? Have they given you this....Do you have a neurologist?

Yes, yes and yes I answered and geesh, I just wanted a stinkin' drug to get rid of the pain. I could overhear her talking to the doctor and it was like: what are we going to do w/ that lady w/ a migraine. I mean, I have been in and out of migraine treatments a lot over the past week.

So she comes into give me the shot of torredol and I had been crying. Like, the booger/snot/gooey/yuck kind of crying. Just so despondant and so tired. So, so tired. And, she's like, you shouldn't cry because that'll make it worse.

Like freakin' duh!!! I've only had these since i was EIGHT YEARS OLD...I think I know that crying makes it worse but I CAN'T TAKE IT.

I totally wanted to smack her.

I could tell I was being kind of short with her and apologized, I just told her that it wasn't her and I was having such a difficult time handling it all.

As soon as I got the shot I left the joint and my hubby could tell that I was over the top upset. He sort of got in my face (in a good way) and we went home. The pain decreased a little. Like down to a three from a five. Not good enough. I waited a few hours and decided to take a frovatriptan. I wanted to wait a few more days as I'm only supposed to treat 2 a week, but when the mental health starts to fade, what are you going to do? Also, I just had to get by until my doctor gets back on Monday and I can tell him what a tough time I've been having. Also, when I had gotten home from the doctor, I took an Ativan to calm down and relax which I knew would help me get rid of the headache and help me wait until the pain went away. I think I also took 2 aleve before I took the frovatriptan, and that didn't seem to help either.

However, I am happy to say that within an hour the frova worked and it was such a relief. I went in my hallway and took this self-portrait of myself. Because this is what the real me looks like when I'm tired, discouraged and hurting.

What will tomorrow bring? I'm trying not to think about it.....

Satisfied

Today was not a perfect day, but I'm so satisfied with it. I woke up with my symptoms being irritability (not terrible but there) and sensitivity to noise. Is this an aura? Have to find out about that.

Sent the kids off to school and went walking. Gosh, it was really raining but I better get used to it. As Winter is 1/4 of the way here, it's always warmer when it rains. And here, it rains a lot. So I have a plan, I bought an obnoxius looking rain slicker and a dorky hat but it will work. Even so, today my pant legs got wet. But the fresh air felt good on my face. When I am feeling this way I don't do well when it's stuffy and always want cold air on my face, so it was perfect.

My pain didn't get any worse so I went to the grocery store. It's dangerous to go when I'm not perfect because sometimes I'll get worse. But at the same time, I can't wait around because I'll never go. Besides, I was waiting for payday and we were out of so many things. As soon as the money hit the account I was walking down the grocery aisles.

I could have saved the shopping for the hubs, but I've decided to go on a massive elimination diet. It is so worth any sacrifice to even 1/2 my pain days and try to avoid I.V. treatment. Don't get me wrong, it's helpful but not easy. It's not the needle or the I.V. itself, it's how the drugs make you feel. Besides, pain @ the level it takes to get me there is no picnic. So, I wanted to get some things to help me feel like I have something to eat. I even found some cookies that have just a trace of soy which is one of my biggo offenders. (don't ask me how I'll avoid this in Thailand....)

Got home from the grocery store and felt great. Think it took me a little too long to eat lunch though. Although I did have an unripe banana and Koala rice bar for a snack @ 11:30. Had to make my Vietnamese rice paper rolls for lunch though. Maybe I'll post the recipe if anyone comments or e-mails and is interested. Pretty dang tastey and quite different from things we normally eat here....us caucasin americans.

I felt a bit more pressure after lunch and the pain went to a 2. But the weird thing was how much my thinking shut down. I just thought it did when it got to a 3 or a 4 but I think it's one of the symptoms in general. I just took it easy the rest of the day, used tiger balm a couple of times, iced once, stayed in a dark room but did watch television. Just kicked back.

It is so totally rare that when I start off like this that I stay @ this level. Makes me wonder if it was just decreasing the sugar, wheat, yeast, etc. that I was sort of withdrawling from. It's not just a piece of cake going off those things. Anyway, I am SO SATISFIED. I have been waiting for a day like this for at least a year. Maybe longer. Sometimes my pain will just stay @ a 3 all day, but this is even an improvement on that.

I am determined to follow through on this elimination plan and I won't even call it a diet. More of a life change. I've done it before but added stuff back. And it was hard to tell what was bothering me. Within a couple of months I'll know if it helps and then I will KEEP DOING IT. It's worth the sacrifice to be different because I'm different anyway....

Oh, and it must be emphasized that I didn't take any medicine today. I sure hope I can get to @ least Monday before I need frovatriptan because the goal is that I only treat 2 migraines/headaches a week.

Some Interesting Quote and Food For Thought...

My grade school/high school/migraine/ chronic pain friend Steph sent me http://www.nwcn.com/sharedcontent/health/stories/101706cckkHEALTHfibromyalgia.4aaae4d9.htmltonight. It's a story about a woman with Fibromyalgia, but there's a quote in the story that I really could relate to.

It's a short, interesting story. One of the things it touches on is people not understanding, the mood disorders it causes or is related to, and most importantly, the realness of the condition regardless of whether or not people understand the suffering of those that are afflicted with chronic pain.

"Almost everything in medicine can be measured or tested or read from an x-ray. But pain remains elusive. There's nothing to go on but the word of the sufferer that something hurts. No dial or readout can tell how much." (Bill Marevl/The Dallas Morning News)

*If you are praying for me, 1) pray for my kids and my husband that they won't be angry and resent what's happening 2) pray for my trip to Thailand Jan. 8-18 that my doctors will let me go and that I will have plenty of pain management techniques in place so that I don't end up in the hospital over there 3)pray for endurance when things get bad that I will remember the good things to live for and to remember that "this too shall pass..."

*If you are in chronic pain I pray that you are encouraged to know that you are not alone, for peace in the midst of trials, for hope that things will get better and patience to keep you going until they do.

Lots of Things to Think About

So far, so good today. I began reading "50 Ways to Control Migraines" by Ceabert J. Griffith, N.D., P.A.-C.

Packed w/ some very informative stuff. It gave me so much to think about and discover about my condition. In a super strange way it's kind of exciting. I'm totally willing to do and/or change things myself that will help and alleviate some of the frequency.

Interesting Info #1
I've put myself on an elimination diet before and discovered a couple of triggers and I already knew one. But there were numerous more that I had questions about. After reading part of this book, many, many foods I had questions about contain "amines, a group of vasoactive, nitrogen-based protein components. These substances cause the blood vessels to narrow and then expand, touching off a headache. The following amines have been implicated:
*Dopamine: in legumes, such as peanuts, peas, broad beans, and soy.

*Tyramine: in aged foods, such as cheese, yogurt, buttermilk, sourdough, and overripe bananas. Red wine, beer, dried or pickled meat, salami, nuts, figs, raisins, avacados, and fish also contain high amounts of tyramine (onions).

*Histamine: in cold water fish, such as salmon and tuna.

*Phenylethylamine in chocolate.

*Octopamine and synephrine in citrus fruits.

*Trytamine: in tomatoes and pineapples." (p.23)

(foods highlighted in green I had already suspected and foods highlighted in orange I had questioned but wasn't sure.)

The interesting thing I noticed in this list, is that last night about 1/2 hour after I ate dinner, my headache hit. I had mentioned before that my menstrual cycle was not over. That, I believe, was factor #1. The other interesting thing though that I noticed on this list, was 2 things I had for dinner. Factor #2 was buttermilk and pecans (nuts). I made buttermilk waffles for dinner and left the syrup off because refined sugar is another suspicious food for me. So to be safe, I left it off and used homemade strawberry freezer jam instead.

One of the things the book said is sometimes it is a combination of triggers. Like, maybe something won't bother you but put it in combination with a couple other factors, specifically menstruation, and it will. I believe that's why there were so many foods I wasn't sure about. It could be the reason why sometimes a food will bother me and other times it won't.

Very interesting...

One thing's for sure, with the way this month has been I am totally in that place again of being afraid to eat. Back are the times where I look in the fridge and close the door because I am scared that what I put in my mouth will hurt me. It's frustrating. Because I do not have an eating disorder. I have a headache disorder that is exascerbated by my eating.

It takes a lot of dilligence to go on an elimination diet, and I had already sort of started. But now, I'm willing to slice off all of these offenders even if they don't trigger me, all because I want to feel better so desparately bad. It's hard, but I'm willing to forego temporary pleasure in the palate for even a few extra days a month that are pain free.

Interesting Info. #2
A couple of other things I noted were that sometimes if you get a headache in an airplane you can take supplemental oxygen and that will help. I am definitely going to ask about that. Once, when I flew to New Zealand, I spent the whole first full day (not when I got there but the full day after I had slept) with a headache. I had to stay in bed w/ the lights off and my head hurting. Sure, maybe it sounds like jet lag but I think it was more than that.

I am going to go to Thailand in about 9 weeks. I've been really concerned about "losing" a day w/ headache due just to the travel itself. I am going to ask my P.A. about the oxygen specifically for this purpose. It is sooo worth a try.

Interesting Info. #3
Migraines w/ aura vs. Migraines w/out aura

I always thought that my migraines did not have an aura. This book explained four phases of a migraine: Prodrome, Aura, Headache and Postdrome.

Found on page 50, prodrome includes fatigue, irritability and food cravings. I have really been noticing that lately I've been craving salt. Other times I will crave chocolate and for decades, I used to crave bread products. Also, yawning is included. Sometimes I will not be tired, but just yawn and yawn, and not be able to stop. Like every couple of minutes. It's quite strange. I've always sort of wondered about this and thought it odd. People will say, "Are you tired?" and I would say, "No!"

Aura includes "vision disturbances; numbness or weakness on one side of the body; slurred speach; sensitivity to light and sound." (also on p. 50) What I need to ask my doctor about is this: sometimes when I'm looking at something, my eyes will shift back and forth very fast. Now, this is something that has happened to me off and on for so long that I can't remember when it started. It doesn't seem like a flashing light to me, but my eyes definitely dart and for a split second, I can't see. It's just a split second and doesn't endanger me in any way or impair me. It's about as fast as a blink of an eye. Also, and I told my doctor this, (actually many doctors!) that sometimes I will be irritable and sensitive to sound and later, maybe within a half hour or hour or so, a migraine will start. There have been a few times when I haven't been having lots of headaches that I take abortive medications for, that I will take a maxalt, imitrex or frovatriptan (abortive medicine) at this stage. Miracle of miracles, the irritability disappears as well as the noise sensitivity and the headache will never come.

I am wondering if I should pay attention to these symptoms better, especially during my cycle, and take my medications then instead of waiting for the pain. This wouldn't always work, sometimes the pain comes first. Or, maybe I'm so used to the "aura" that I miss it.

These are wonderful questions I have for my doctor now.

Last Night There Was a Freakin' Baby Kicking Around in my Leg....

Geesh! It was a great day yesterday, but in the evening, around 7:30, my left temple started to hurt. It wasn't but 30 min. and it was ramping up. Since it's still technically a menstrual migraine I decided to do the DHE injection and not let it get very far out of control...to the point where it wouldn't subside w/out a lot of drugs!

Like last time, first I took the compazine and waited 20 min. I got the syringe ready before my thinking diminished anymore and i wouldn't screw it up like last Thursday.

This time I put it in my right thigh and made sure I was extremely relaxed in that muscle, hoping that my leg wouldn't hurt so bad and for so long like it did on Monday.

It didn't hurt when the medicine was going in, but as soon as I pulled the syringe out my leg started to hurt. Man, that's the weirdest thing. Last night I could have used a pair of crutches, it would have been easier to get around.

I layed down and iced the site and pretty soon the muscle started twitching. Then, it started twitching all up and down the top part of my thigh. It felt like there was a baby inside kicking around in my leg.

I was a little nervous about it because I have started the beta blocker and all, and I can't see what's going on in there. I took 2 aleve to help with the migraine, the pain in my leg, and was hoping that it would help the jumpiness in my muscle. But, just to make sure, we called the Advice Nurse and she said it would be gone by the morning and that I had probably nicked or gotten closer to nicking a nerve. That made sense to me so I didn't worry about it. Within 2 -2 1/2 hours after the injection my migraine pain was gone, and within another hour my leg stopped hurting so I could walk on it. Also, this time I had no pain in my back and chest which had concerned me on Monday. So, all in all, pretty successful.

I did, however, wake up @ 2 a.m. and was still up @ 3. And, I felt wide awake, like it was morning or something. I decided that with just getting over the migraine that losing sleep would probably not help things any. I took 1 Ativan (anti-anxiety) to see if it would help me sleep and probably within a 1/2 hr. I was back in dreamy land.

My concern now, is that my menstrual cycle doesn't seem to be over yet. My DHE perscription says that the injections are for 2-3 x a month. I'm not counting the first one I did since I am positive I didn't have any medicine in it. So that makes 2x so far. But, since I just went off the Levlen (oral b.c. pill for menstrual migraine) it could take a while to get back on my regular cycle. All I'm supposed to be treating myself w/ is Aleve w/ either DHE or Frovatriptan, and those are to be used 2x week. I'm not worried about the 2x week so much right now because he said there'd be bad weeks and with the menstrual action going on, I'm definitely in that week. It's just that if the bleeding continues and I have to do one more injection in the next couple of days, I will pretty much be out of options of how I can help myself here and stay w/in my doctor's orders.

I would just e-mail him about this but he won't be back in the office for 5 more days. I will definitely need to contact him then. I could leave a message with one of his partners, but when I did that last week I never got a call back.

I don't want to annoy the people who are trying to help me (i.e. shoot my help in the foot) but at the same time I need to stay within the parameters that the PA gave me. I have a lot of questions because I have more than 2x a week, so what am I supposed to do on the other days I get one? If it's just pressure @ a 3-4 I can pretty much get by w/ staying home, using ice and heat, not doing any housework and using tiger balm and/or salonpas, peppermint oil. But, if it's the menstrual type, the ones that start up fast and feel more burning, then I can't not treat these. I know he knows that too and doesn't want to leave me hanging, I just didn't take the time to get clarification on how to attack these.

I think he was thinking that I would get IV magnesium sulfate in these in between circumstances. But, we didn't know that 1: I would have to go 40 min. to over an hour away 2. each time I get a treatment the doctor has to call it in and o.k. it first 3. the first time I tried it it didn't help.

I think I can make it until monday though. I really hope. Including today, it's just 5 days away. I cannot predict what will happen in 5 days but I'm sure even though it could be difficult that I can make it until then.

Thank God I'm feeling better today though. Shelley picked me up this morning in her new Honda Element and I went to Starbucks w/ my other friend Susan and their friend Cindy. It's a small thing, but was so nice to have a little girl time. When I got home I started a fire in my woodstove so it's nice and toasty down there. I got 2 new books yesterday that the PA wanted me to read, so think I will take my TAZO Green Tea down there, curl up and start reading "50 Ways to Control Migraines" by Ceabert J. Griffith, N.D., P.A.-C.

2 great days, wahoo!

Thanks to all of you who have been praying for me. I had a fabulous day on Halloween and was able to go to tse and max-ay's chaotic classrooms for their parties, get in a short walk and make all the rounds for the kids' trick-or-treating.

I am so thankful and greatful that I got to do so. I know the kids feel ripped off a lot of the time....and they are.

It broke my heart when Shelley told me what max-ay said to her in her car the other day:

max-ay: where are you guys going trick-or-treating at? (their dad was sick and i told them if i couldn't take them out that Shelley would.)

shelley: we're going to the street of screams at the mall. that's where we always go. it's really fun.

max-ay: can i go trick-or-treating with you guys? my mom doesn't have any energy. she never has any energy. she doesn't get to do stuff with us.

shelley: well max-ay, your mom gets a lot of migraines doesn't she. she always wants to do things with you. let's hope she can go, but if she can't then i will take you with me, ok?

*I think what max-ay meant by energy is that when I am hurting my thinking shuts down and in order to take care of myself, I lay around, I mean, who wouldn't. Usually it's 3x a week that I get one, but the last month has been brutal, almost daily. And my kids know that.

About a week and a half ago on a Sunday when I was feeling good, the boys had P and C over as well as Super Star's little brothers. Then, when Super Star's parents came by, we invited them to stay for dinner because I had cooked up a prime rib, so we had plenty of food.

*tse made a comment to his dad @ bed time: I didn't know mom was feeling so good today.

(I don't remember the last time we had people over for dinner. The hubs really misses that and it's one of the things that he feels ripped off about. We have the gift of hospitality and we love to have people over. But seriously, no friends have come to dinner for at least 6 months, at least..)

Anyway, off of my pity party. Yesterday was fabulous, today was fabulous. Besides getting the Halloween pics all edited I even got a little housework done. wahoo!

Also, tonight I increased my lamictal (mood stabilizer and anti-migraine med) and Monday I started the MigraLief 2x a day. Like I said a few days ago, MigraLief is a combination of magnesium, B2, and feverfew. My "lady cycle" is almost over and I've been really lucky not to have migraines all the way through it. Just 5 days instead of the 7 i sometimes have. Also, I think the beta-blocker propanolol is really kicking in as today I've felt really tired, a little light headed and even took a nap which I never do unless I'm sick.

But like the hubs said when I talked to him @ work today. As long as there's no pain, who cares....we'll deal with the rest.

It's my time now. It's time for these to get under control. I don't know what life lesson I was supposed to learn out of all this, but I do know I have a bucketload of compassion, and extreme understanding of chronic pain, knowledge and empathy about mental illness, a tiny mustard seed of faith (which evidentally is all that's needed to move a mountain...) and finally, the ability to not suffer in silence anymore but ask for help.

It's my time, and I want this to end A.S.A.P. No more, I think I've had enough.

2 great day, wahoo!

Thanks to all of you who have been praying for me. I had a fabulous day on Halloween and was able to go to tse and max-ay's chaotic classrooms for their parties, get in a short walk and make all the rounds for the kids' trick-or-treating.

I am so thankful and greatful that I got to do so. I know the kids feel ripped off a lot of the time....and they are.

It broke my heart when Shelley told me what max-ay said to her in her car the other day:

max-ay: where are you guys going trick-or-treating at? (their dad was sick and i told them if i couldn't take them out that Shelley would.)

shelley: we're going to the street of screams at the mall. that's where we always go. it's really fun.

max-ay: can i go trick-or-treating with you guys? my mom doesn't have any energy. she never has any energy. she doesn't get to do stuff with us.

shelley: well max-ay, your mom gets a lot of migraines doesn't she. she always wants to do things with you. let's hope she can go, but if she can't then i will take you with me, ok?

*I think what max-ay meant by energy is that when I am hurting my thinking shuts down and in order to take care of myself, I lay around, I mean, who wouldn't. Usually it's 3x a week that I get one, but the last month has been brutal, almost daily. And my kids know that.

About a week and a half ago on a Sunday when I was feeling good, the boys had P and C over as well as Super Star's little brothers. Then, when Super Star's parents came by, we invited them to stay for dinner because I had cooked up a prime rib, so we had plenty of food.

*tse made a comment to his dad @ bed time: I didn't know mom was feeling so good today.

(I don't remember the last time we had people over for dinner. The hubs really misses that and it's one of the things that he feels ripped off about. We have the gift of hospitality and we love to have people over. But seriously, no friends have come to dinner for at least 6 months, at least..)

Anyway, off of my pity party. Yesterday was fabulous, today was fabulous. Besides getting the Halloween pics all edited I even got a little housework done. wahoo!

Also, tonight I increased my lamictal (mood stabilizer and anti-migraine med) and Monday I started the MigraLief 2x a day. Like I said a few days ago, MigraLief is a combination of magnesium, B2, and feverfew. My "lady cycle" is almost over and I've been really lucky not to have migraines all the way through it. Just 5 days instead of the 7 i sometimes have. Also, I think the beta-blocker propanolol is really kicking in as today I've felt really tired, a little light headed and even took a nap which I never do unless I'm sick.

But like the hubs said when I talked to him @ work today. As long as there's no pain, who cares....we'll deal with the rest.

It's my time now. It's time for these to get under control. I don't know what life lesson I was supposed to learn out of all this, but I do know I have a bucketload of compassion, and extreme understanding of chronic pain, knowledge and empathy about mental illness, a tiny mustard seed of faith (which evidentally is all that's needed to move a mountain...) and finally, the ability to not suffer in silence anymore but ask for help.

It's my time, and I want this to end A.S.A.P. No more, I think I've had enough.

success in a syringe

The other day I described the body scan I do, or head scan, as soon as i become concious in the morning. This morning I was "50 % gone." Because I know that during this "hell week" or week of menstrual migraines that I will virtually have a really bad one every day, I decided to try to knock it out A.S.A.P.

Thursday evening when I gave myself the shot it went from bad to worse, so I was a little nervous. I had a fitting for a mouth guard @ 12:40 that I didn't want to cancel, but I had to take the chance and shoot up the DHE. I was confident that if the pain got bad that I could take the anti-anxiety medicine to help cope with the pain, and have someone take me to the doctor for an I.V. if I needed it. My hubs was sick with the flu today but I have a lot of friends who've offered to drive me when I'm unable.

First I took the compazine (anti-nausea med) because DHE can tend to make you nauseous. I waited 20 min. and prepared my syringe. When I was doing it I began to wonder if I even got the medicine in on Thursday afternoon.

Finally I psyched myself up and stuck the hurking 3 in. long needle into my thigh and slowly pushed the medicine in. I'm quite a good shot taker since as a child I spent seven years getting weekly allergy injections. It's just a little different shooting up yourself!

I know to keep your muscles relaxed or you can have a lot of muscle pain @ the site, and I am really good @ doing that even though I'm nervous. I probably gave myself about a 100 imitrex injections before. But as the medicine went in it really hurt and I had to just keep pushing it in. Fortunately it's only 1 ml. of medicine.

Almost immediately my thigh hurt so bad. I probably limped around for an hour. This helped me determine that I absolutely did not give myself a proper injection Thursday. It didn't hurt at all.

It's really no surprise I had difficulty Thursday as my pain was so high. Even when my pain is half that my thinking starts to really get impaired and slowed down. It takes me a long time to concentrate and think about something. This was what it was like when I was getting the syringe ready that day, but not today.

Also, about an hour after the shot my back by my shoulder blades was having a lot of pressure. Almost like someone was sitting on me. Then it would radiate to the front. I read the information that came with the medicine and it said if you have these symptoms to notify the doctor, advice nurse or pharmacist. I e-mailed my doctor but never heard anything back.

My side effects from the shot, except for that, were minimal. I mean, I'm not trying to downplay those symptoms, because they were distressing. If this is what it will always be like when I take the DHE it won't be like I can feel better and resume regular activity in an hour. It took about an hour for my head to feel good and then about 3 hours for the rest of my body to feel good. I took 2 Aleve which helped my back and chest immensely.

I was able to make my dental appointment and go for a short walk. Again, I didn't want to overdo it as I'm really gearing up for tomorrow. Especially with my husband sick now it is very important to me that I feel good to run the kids around tomorrow night. They will accept going along with someone else, but I know that my daughter especially will be disappointed if I am not able to go, and especially if my husband isn't able to go either.

Only time will tell though...

Perfectly Perfect Day

Sunday, Sunday.

I had really wanted to go to church but I woke up and had started my period. For me, this means about a week of really drug resistant horrible headaches. And gauging from Thrs. , Fri., and even Sat., this was exactly what I was dealing with. Really no surprise as I had went off the Levlen (continuous birth control pill for menstrual migraines) on Thursday night.
I have been really looking forward to helping in the kids' school on Tues. for Halloween, and taking them trick-or-treating. So, do I go to church which is really loud w/ lots of people? ...or do I stay home and take it easy?

I decided not to push things and take care of myself.

I went for a walk but shortened it so as not to overdo it. I got about 6 essentials at the grocery store - in & out! I went to Shelley's Mom's for a Mary Kay pedicure (figured that would be low key and relaxing), then came home.

My parents came over in the evening to carve pumpkins which was a blast. We haven't had them over in quite a while. Actually, we never have anyone over anymore. One more loss to the pain....

It is amazing to me to have a perfectly perfect head the whole day, because this is, essentially, my hell week. Hallelujah!

Saturday, busy day...

Saturday was such a busy day, I was really nervous about if I was going to get through the whole thing because it was the last day of soccer games for max-ay and meyers d. Since my husband coaches our son, and their games were at the same time, I had to take meyers d to her game.

When I woke up in the morning I felt no pain. It's a really sad thing when as soon as you become concious, that you do a body scan (or more accurately, a head scan) to determine if your a 1/4 of the way gone, 1/2 way gone, 100% gone....or perfect. My anxiety was still so high, it felt like I couldn't take very deep breaths. I told my husband that if fear had hands, it was choking me.

One of the things the man talked to me about on the 24 hr. psych. line the night before, was that first thing in the morning I needed to go to Urgent Care and talk to a doctor about how high my anxiety and agitation were. A few years ago I had a medication that I could take when I was pretty funked out and it would get me calmed down long enough for the intensity to pass. Basically it helped me not do anything stupid to myself. I have an underlying bipolar "problem", so it's very important that this issue be addressed, but that whole aspect of me is a completely long story so I'm not going to even try to explain it now.

The clinic got me right in after I told them how high my blood pressure was and how difficult my night was. The doctor was so fantastic that I was shocked. He leaned in when he was listening to me explain what was going on. He totally thought we should address the high blood pressure as it greatly contributes to the migraines and the anxiety. Or, (most likely), the high pain from the migraines causes the high blood pressure and anxiety. Also, my blood pressure was still high, 137/100. He felt we needed to address that because some of the medications used to treat blood pressure are also migraine meds. Interesting, eh?

He noticed in my chart that I had been on a beta blocker before. Propanolol. Long story why I went off that, but it really helped control the migraines. Now that I am on another migraine controlling med., an anti-convulsant and mood stabilizer called Lamictal (anti convulsants are also mood stabilizers and migraine meds...another interesting fact), I felt very confident in trying it again. One of the strange things that happens to me preceeding a migraine, is that I sometimes feel my pulse throbbing really strongly in the large vein in my neck, right below my chin. It actually hurts and is quite painful and within minutes or hours a migraine can start. I have told many doctors numerous times about this problem but it never gets out and out addressed, although I am confident that they have taken note of it.

So, Mr. Quick Care Doctor prescribed Propanolol and Ativan. Ativan is the anti-anxiety med that is just taken when needed and now that my concerns have been addressed (I even got an anti-nausea medicine that is crucial to take before the DHE injection) I know that I can totally have peace and not need it at all, or only in times of great pain or the great pain aftermath.

Meyers D had a fabulous game that I was able to go to (the pulsing in my neck that started in the doctors office subsided within a half and hour of the first beta blocker pill) and then it was off to her party. I wanted to see her get her trophy and fully participate, but going to an indoor amusement place is like the last place a migraneur who just spent the night before in the ER should be. I stuck purple earplugs in my ears and crossed my fingers.

It was crazy insane in that place. There were like two other soccer pizza parties and a birthday party. Everyone could barely move. It was so loud that no one could hear what the coach was saying when he passed out the awards. As soon as he was done I told the hubs that I better leave while I was still feeling good, as the day was only 1/2 over with all the activities we had planned. But I had went, which I know blessed my daughter and for sure was a blessing to me. It makes my husband smile when I can participate because so often we don't know if I'll be able to until a few hours before an event.

After getting home about an hour, it started up again.

Why so many you're wondering? (If your not by now then check your compassion thermometer...) I'll get to that maybe in tomorrow's post.

So this time I took a frovatriptan and within an hour I was feeling better and ready to go to max-ay's ice cream party for soccer. This time I didn't wear earplugs because all my lady friends were there (other soccer mom's) and they all wanted to know how I was doing so we had to catch up.

After the party, Super Star's parents took the kids to their house and the hubs and I went to a Patsy Cline impersonator concert. I didn't really want to go but the hubs likes stuff like that and it seems like I can't participate in things so often. We need to do things as a couple, so I took the purple earplugs and enjoyed a much more toned down show.

All in all a good day, it's hard to believe I could endure such a long, busy day after being in the ER. It probably would have been better if I stayed home and rested, but I'm sure my family feels shortchanged a lot of the time, I know I feel that way, so sometimes I just have to suck it up and plow ahead.

just when i thought things couldn't get worse...

Today turned out to be a lot like yesterday. My day started off great. Woke up with a clear head and after taking the kids to school I went for a long wlak @ the lake again. This time I walked the whole stinkin' thing, about 4 miles. It felt good to be out in the crisp morning air and to feel the tightness in my legs from the exercise. I was feeling pretty emotional though and had to fight back tears.

Also, my mind was filled with worry and fear about the pain returning. I had to force myself to look at the trees, the birds and the ducks....force myself to think about the good things that were happening now, all around me. It was so hard. Within minutes my mind was back to the night before and planning what I would do if my pain came back.

After I returned home, about 1 in the afternoon, I again started to feel pressure in my head. Before the pain could really escalate, I drove to the doctor's office and went to the nurse's treatment center to get an i.v. magnesium sulfate procedure that was a standing order for me. They told me that they didn't give them @ this site, so an RN called around to see where I could go to get it. We discovered that I had to drive an hour to find a place that would do it, but I knew my husband would take me.

When I left home about 6 p.m. my pain was about a 5. By the time I got to the ambulatory care center @ Sunnyside my pain was about 6. I received the treatment and when it was over there was no change in my pain. Also, my blood pressure was 147/107 and the nurse who was attending me said that I needed to get my blood pressure checked again within a couple of days. We drove home and about 20 min. from home my pain was @ an 8 and I vomited. When we pulled into town I started crying and asked my husband to take me to the E.R. I didn't want to go home and just lay there suffering. I was soooo tired of hurting.

Of course the emergency room was busy, it always is, and it was a Friday night. My husband said, "Are you sure you want to stay?" I started crying and said, "I'm not leaving!!!"

I don't know how long we waited, it must have been two hours. I was completely miserable, agitated and full of anxiety when they called me back. I was at the point where all I wanted to do was die. In fact, I would have done anything for someone to just give me something so I could leave the planet. When they called me back to the room I started crying, first because I hurt so bad, and second I was hopeful that my misery would finally be over.

Of course once I got in there it would be at least another 1/2 hour before I got my first medication. Mentally I was really starting to lose it. At one point, I looked @ my husband so desperately and said, "I want to die, please just let me die..."

The first med they gave me in the i.v. calmed me down, the second was an anti-nausea medicine and the third was for the migraine. They also did a CT scan which showed nothing. After I got back to my room the ER doctor said something about me going home. My pain was down to a 5 but I was absolutely petrified to go home and told him that I had hoped my pain would be lower before I went home. He said they could administer the last medication they gave me again. That brought it down to a 2. But I have to say, either my anxiety, or the combination of meds, or both of these combined, caused me to feel completely drugged and very unsettled, like I was just squirming in my skin....it's hard to describe. I think the anti-nausea med was called compazine and the migraine med was seroquil (??) something with an "s" anyways! My blood pressure was still kind of high but lower than it was @ Sunnyside.

The weird thing was, that with this combination I didn't sleep, but I could hardly open my eyes for at least an hour. Very strange... according to my outpatient letter, the ER treated me for acute migraine headache, acute tension-type headache, acute uncontrolled hypertension and acute anxiety reaction.

After I got home (2 a.m.) I tried to go to sleep. I was really fighting some bad thoughts and so anxious about the headache returning. I called the 24 hour psych line and talked to a nice guy who gave me some really good suggestions. One was to follow up w/ a doctor the next day and talk about anti-anxiety medication.

I finally fell asleep about 5:30 a.m. and slept for an hour.

This is a day I hope to never repeat...