Today started off as a great day. I went to a counseling appt. that was quite helpful, and then made dinner for my neighbors: baked chicken, spanish rice, homemade creamed corn and coffee cake. I felt great and was able to make time for a walk around the lake before going to the nurse treatment station to learn how to give myself a DHE injection.
While I was walking around the lake I was thinking about the fear I have about the frequency of my headaches and the pain level. I was thinking about the scripture in the Bible that says that the faith of a mustard seed can move mountains. I thought it funny that some Christians, including myself sometimes, criticize ourselves and others for not having lots of faith, for not having the faith of a mountain.
But then some quiet voice inside me said that's the exact opposite of what we are supposed to have. The Bible says it takes the faith of a mustard seed, a tiny little seed. I thought to myself how I feel like my faith has been stripped to an absolute bare minimum, to where there's just a tiny bit left. Sort of like being stripped back to the basics. Yet I know that I have just a tiny bit of faith, a mustard seed. A feeling of satisfaction came over me as I realized that that's all I needed. I felt joy and hope and breathed in the fresh air and soaked up the beautiful colors as golden leaves were blowing out of the sky all around me like rain.
When I was about 3/4 of the way done I felt the first tiny bits of pressure in my right temple. I rubbed some tiger balm on it and continued on. I was a bit sad that another was returning so soon and interrupting my terrific afternoon. As I reached the last intersection before the end of my walk I thought of my Grandmother who passed away a year ago. I thought about how much she cared/cares for me and how sad she would be to see how much I am struggling and I could feel her love for me and compassion for my circumstance.
By the time I reached the doctor's office my pain was increasing steadily to about a 3-4. I was definitely uncomfortable and not able to ignore it. I learned how to give myself the shot and should have taken one right then, but I was hoping to get home and at least get my daughter off to her soccer game and had no idea how quickly the pain was going to progress.
I got home w/in an hour of my appointment and my pain had skyrocketed to an 8. I could only talk in a whisper and it was a burning pain, the kind associated with my menstrual cycle, so I knew that this was the time I needed a DHE shot.
I struggled to concentrate as I prepared the shot as my thinking was so slow. I thought I had done everything right and injected the shot after psyching myself up. Within a 1/2 hour my pain was not improving and I began getting extremely nauseous and vomiting. With this happening, my pain reached a 10 and I laid on the bathroom floor near the toilet wriggling on the floor trying to get some relief.
My husband left our daughter's soccer game and found me on the bathroom floor. He hurried to get our boys ready who were starting to get rambunctious (which makes me want to scream obscenities when I am just wanting to curl up and die!) and we took them to my parent's house. Then he took me to Urgent Care where they gave me an I.V. so I could get benadryl, reglan and another DHE shot. After this series my pain did not improve and I was feeling anxious and like I was going to crawl out of my skin. It was horrible. They gave me a shot of Torredol, put me in a wheelchair and sent me home. This is the quick version. The long version would include an incredibly compassionate nurse who has now I.V.'d me at least three times and is recognizing me as soon as she sees me. I like her but not enough to see her again under circumstances like that!
By the time I get home and settle in for an hour my pain diminishes to a 2 and I top myself off w/ 2 aleve to hopefully get the inflammation down in my brain. I would sleep very soundly....
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