must be grace...

Wednesday was my neuro appointment. Woke up with a tiny baby headache. By the time I got to the appointment it was 2-3 and on the way home it was reaching a 4. Since I had no more drugs at home that I could take I could either cheat and take the percocets I'm not supposed to take or have my husband take the rest of the day off of work and take me to the clinic in Vancouver, Washington for an i.v. treatment of Depacon. I opted for following the rules.

I have never got a depacon i.v. before and let me just say, it's much easier to get i.v.'s like this when the pain is only at a 4. At a 6-8, very uncomfortable. I'm so glad I wasn't reliving October.

Let's just say that it took 5 hours for the depacon to work, but at least it didn't make the pain worse. I did also have to take two Aleve and I don't know how much they helped but I took them as well.

Thursday was a great day, a nice break from the day before.

Today, Friday the 8th and my son's 8th birthday, I woke up with a stiff neck. As the morning progressed it got quite painful and was moving up my head on the same right hand side. However, sometime while I was getting my haircut (which usually makes it worse), my headache up and disappeared. I didn't take anything for it but did rub tigerbalm on the muscles in my neck.

Not sure what happened, it must be grace. Whatever it was I LIKE IT! With taking frovas 3x last week, I need to hold off a few days before I get another one. And, I don't really have the time to drive to Vancouver (30+ min.) to get a Depacon treatment, especially when it takes 5 hours for it to work AND I can't drive myself.

Here's a cutiemus picture of my cornball kid today on his birthday

Measure of Faith

I took this picture because last night the weather man predicted that the Cowlitz River (near where I live) would be 15 feet above flood stage. That's quite a bit. This morning on my walk....there it is! The weather man's not always this accurate. I am sure he is thankful when he is, especially in important circumstances like this, where people's homes and livelihoods could be effected.

Sort of like my day yesterday.

I had been waiting for my doctor to respond to my e-mail about the lamictal possibly increasing my headache frequency. He got back to me in such a timely manner, it really helps me to trust him in his care for me. He said that lamictal does have the potential side effect for headache, amongst a few other things, but I wasn't experiencing those. He agreed that I should go off immediately and check with my psychiatrist on how to do that in a safe manner. I was so "high" after I received that e-mail and soooo relieved. Oh, and he also prescribed a new "resuce" medication called Depacon. It is administered by IV and I'll have to drive 45-75 min. to get it. But, I can't start using it until I'm completely off the lamictal.

I told my husband that I never thought I would be excited to go back to my previous headache pattern, which was quite frequent. But it would be so much better than what I've been experiencing lately. It's crazy, but it's true.

So Sunday and Monday were pretty much headache free and this morning I started feeling slightly irritable and sensitive to noise, but not as bad as usual, and then within an hour, slight pressure in my right temple. It's usually always in my right. So, instead of waiting around, I took a frovatriptan right away. Within an hour I was feeling 100% w/ no pressure in my head and I've continued to feel fine all day.

It's so nice to have a few days' break. Even though technically I had a migraine today, it didn't effect me at all and so I don't even count it really, although technically I have to.

I got out for my morning walk, which was so interesting today because the rivers, dikes and sloughs are flooding. Even people's yards who live in wetland areas (which is quite a bit of this area). Had to get some photos of that. Then I came home and typed a letter for the teacher's at Meyer D's school. I have asked the principal if I can put some of the calendars I'm selling on the staff room table. I just have not been able to market any accept for here on the internet. (thanks people!) So everyday that I feel good now, I have to do something towards selling a few more. I was hoping to have sold 50+ by now and I am quite short of that mark. Don't get me wrong. Anything I'm able to take and give away will be a blessing, but I have a goal and I'd sure be encouraged if I could reach it.

Also, my husband is going to be giving some financial advice to a friend this evening. The good thing about that is that I HAD to do some housework which I desperately needed to do. I was feeling so tired late in the morning. But once I started doing a little at a time it eventually faded. Thank God!

It seems like such a long time since I sensed something really important about my health, like a clue in the puzzle which is my life. An idea that was whispered to me in my Spirit for me to take action upon. It builds upon the measure of my faith and encourages me so much, even if it falls quite short of solving the problem entirely.

It gives me hope.

can i have a little help please?

Right now as I sit here eating my scrambled egg dinner (I couldn't bring myself to eat Chinese Food @ our Thailand meeting for fear of pain) I think I may have had my question answered that I threw across the sky this morning. Perhaps it didn't fall on deaf ears.... "can I have a little help please?" *I was actually hopeful when I said that.

It was a beautiful morning for walking. It had just gotten light out and the fog was just hanging low across the fields near where I walk and onto the tops of the trees. lovely! Even the ducks greeted me this morning and walked along with me for a while. They were my buddies!

And as I walked I was thinking about my worsening headaches of course, because it seems that lately it's about all I think about. It occured to me that my Lamictal was increased from 100mg. to 15omg. in early October (turns out Oct. 4th actually). That's about the time my "month from hell" started.

Then, I realized that the next dosage increase came Sept. 25th, and immediately, the next day in fact, I ended up getting IV medications and the next night landed in the E.R. The rest you are familiary with from the previous posts in the last week. This dosage increase was from 150mg. to 200mg.

Could there be a link between my worsening headaches and the Lamictal? It would be terrible if there was. It has helped me such a great deal with my moods (not counting the anxiety during menstruation and high pain levels). But overall, my husband admits I seem more loving, as in caring and nicer to be around.

But HARK! The headaches most definitely have gotten worse after each increase....

I braved church today. I took earplugs and did alright because I was feeling great before I left. We sold a few calendars this morning, about 5, and that is better than nothing.

After church my friend came and talked to me. She recently went on Lamictal and said her dose was 200mg. The interesting thing though, is she's had daily headaches since starting the medication. The other day she even had a migraine and she says she's never had one before.

I FREAKED! I had just made this correlation a few hours ago, and here she was confirming it w/out me even bringing it up!

When I got home I called the pharmacy and asked them about side effects. He said that yes, headache could be a side effect. So, although I don't know for sure, I e-mailed my PA and told him about my concern and what I've been noticing. Fortunately, all my trips to the doctor for IV meds are in my chart so it will be easy for him to substantiate that. Also, if he has more questions or needs more information, I can direct him to this blog.

It sounds crazy, but I'm so excited even though I was quite fearful at first. There are other mood stabilizer/migraine meds I can go on and this means that the increased frequency isn't a permanent thing, just due to a reaction with the medication.

The other day I asked myself the question: What kind of twisted life lesson am I supposed to learn from all this?

I think I've learned a few things in the last month.

1) that I am capable of going to the doctor or hospital when miserable, asking for help, and getting it

2) that I can e-mail my doctor and he will e-mail back and even order pain control for me

3) that I have lots of friends who love me and care about me and want to help me, especially with the children

4) that my husband wants to help me, hurts when I hurt and would do anything to help me get better

5) that IV magnesium DOES NOT work for me and even makes me feel worse

6) that sometimes I need extra aleve with DHE injections of IV's, and that if you inject yourself too close to a nerve your muscles will spaz out

7) that the throbbing pain pulsing through my neck was from borderline high blood pressure

8) that when I'm menstruating, along with super high pain, I tend to get very anxious and agitated. by asking for help, I can get medication that will keep me safe during this time

9) that there usually is a cause, explanation or a reason for what's happening to me, even if the answers are a long time in coming

10) that once pushed to the limit, I will do anything and give up anything (in this case a variety of foods) in order to be proactive in feeling better.

So, all in all, the help hasn't come yet. I'm hoping to hear a response back tomorrow, and if I haven't by late afternoon I will call my PA's advice line or leave a message for him on his voicemail. However, he seems to be exceptionally speedy and helpful with his responses, he may just have a backlog of messages from being out of the office for a week.

Tomorrow is a new day, and I will take it as it comes and deal with it the best I can.

the calm before the storm...

Today started off as a great day. I went to a counseling appt. that was quite helpful, and then made dinner for my neighbors: baked chicken, spanish rice, homemade creamed corn and coffee cake. I felt great and was able to make time for a walk around the lake before going to the nurse treatment station to learn how to give myself a DHE injection.

While I was walking around the lake I was thinking about the fear I have about the frequency of my headaches and the pain level. I was thinking about the scripture in the Bible that says that the faith of a mustard seed can move mountains. I thought it funny that some Christians, including myself sometimes, criticize ourselves and others for not having lots of faith, for not having the faith of a mountain.

But then some quiet voice inside me said that's the exact opposite of what we are supposed to have. The Bible says it takes the faith of a mustard seed, a tiny little seed. I thought to myself how I feel like my faith has been stripped to an absolute bare minimum, to where there's just a tiny bit left. Sort of like being stripped back to the basics. Yet I know that I have just a tiny bit of faith, a mustard seed. A feeling of satisfaction came over me as I realized that that's all I needed. I felt joy and hope and breathed in the fresh air and soaked up the beautiful colors as golden leaves were blowing out of the sky all around me like rain.

When I was about 3/4 of the way done I felt the first tiny bits of pressure in my right temple. I rubbed some tiger balm on it and continued on. I was a bit sad that another was returning so soon and interrupting my terrific afternoon. As I reached the last intersection before the end of my walk I thought of my Grandmother who passed away a year ago. I thought about how much she cared/cares for me and how sad she would be to see how much I am struggling and I could feel her love for me and compassion for my circumstance.

By the time I reached the doctor's office my pain was increasing steadily to about a 3-4. I was definitely uncomfortable and not able to ignore it. I learned how to give myself the shot and should have taken one right then, but I was hoping to get home and at least get my daughter off to her soccer game and had no idea how quickly the pain was going to progress.

I got home w/in an hour of my appointment and my pain had skyrocketed to an 8. I could only talk in a whisper and it was a burning pain, the kind associated with my menstrual cycle, so I knew that this was the time I needed a DHE shot.

I struggled to concentrate as I prepared the shot as my thinking was so slow. I thought I had done everything right and injected the shot after psyching myself up. Within a 1/2 hour my pain was not improving and I began getting extremely nauseous and vomiting. With this happening, my pain reached a 10 and I laid on the bathroom floor near the toilet wriggling on the floor trying to get some relief.

My husband left our daughter's soccer game and found me on the bathroom floor. He hurried to get our boys ready who were starting to get rambunctious (which makes me want to scream obscenities when I am just wanting to curl up and die!) and we took them to my parent's house. Then he took me to Urgent Care where they gave me an I.V. so I could get benadryl, reglan and another DHE shot. After this series my pain did not improve and I was feeling anxious and like I was going to crawl out of my skin. It was horrible. They gave me a shot of Torredol, put me in a wheelchair and sent me home. This is the quick version. The long version would include an incredibly compassionate nurse who has now I.V.'d me at least three times and is recognizing me as soon as she sees me. I like her but not enough to see her again under circumstances like that!

By the time I get home and settle in for an hour my pain diminishes to a 2 and I top myself off w/ 2 aleve to hopefully get the inflammation down in my brain. I would sleep very soundly....