You Wanna Piece of Me???

Wow, what a great couple of days. On my Wednesday appointment my doctor and I decided to decrease the lamictal to half of the dose I was taking and see if the headache frequency would stabilize to it's old pattern in order that I could possibly stay on it. It really has been the best medicine I've ever taken to help with my moods. Changing medicines is always hard because you never know what kind of side effects you are going to experience. I may have to drop it all together, and even if I don't, I may still have to add something else. But for now, we have a plan.

Also, now that my menstrual cycles are going back to their old pattern I have to deal with the extreme mood changes I experience during that time. In the past, I had taken an extremely low dose of Prozac and that helped immensely. So, we are going to try that again. You take it the ten days leading up to your cycle.

Wednesday I had no headache at all and was even able to go out to dinner in Portland w/ the hubs and to a "Five for Fighting" concert @ the Aladdin Theatre. The whole thing was so awesome. We ate dinner @ Montego Bay which serves Jamaican food. Never had that before, so that was pretty exotic. I had lamb and the hubs had jerk chicken. (fortunately it didn't turn him into a jerk!)

The Aladdin Theatre is fabulous. I'm guessing it was built in the 1920's and is in the art deco style. We have a theatre like that in the town where I live that's a little bigger than the Aladdin. I loved the small cozy feel that this one had though. We got there a little after the warm up band had started. If we had went any later we wouldn't have been able to find a seat. As it was, we sat in the very back of the balcony, but still could still see just fine. I took my earplugs but didn't need to wear them.

It was so great to get out for a "date" and be able to fully enjoy myself. I actually felt like a real human!

This morning I woke up with a slight headache, but put an ice pack on my head and tried to go back to sleep for an hour. It helped a little bit. When I got up I could still feel the pressure so I put peppermint oil on my right temple where I could feel it. Within about two hours, and a little bit into my morning walk in the crisp Fall air, I went back to feeling 100%. Hallelujah!

I was very tired this afternoon. Either from going to bed @ midnight or from decreasing the Lamictal. I am wondering if I feel tired from the Propanolol (beta blocker) as it lowers blood pressure. But I would much rather deal with this side effect than be in pain. Also, that's another one of the many reasons that it's important for me to stay on Lamictal or something like it because it will help balance out even the slightest of depressive symptoms.

It may seem crazy that I would write about all this. But my philosophy is that sometimes life sucks. And that is putting it mildly. It doesn't always make since why some people would go through such difficult and challenging struggles. All I know is that I have been schooled in a class I would never register for, but here I am. It makes sense, therefore, that I make it worthwhile. To try to make something good out of something bad. It's my hope that somebody whose struggling with migraines, headaches, chronic pain, mental health issues or just life in general, will read this and know that they are not alone. And perhaps, maybe something that they read (could it be you?) could be helpful to them on this crazy path called life.

Measure of Faith

I took this picture because last night the weather man predicted that the Cowlitz River (near where I live) would be 15 feet above flood stage. That's quite a bit. This morning on my walk....there it is! The weather man's not always this accurate. I am sure he is thankful when he is, especially in important circumstances like this, where people's homes and livelihoods could be effected.

Sort of like my day yesterday.

I had been waiting for my doctor to respond to my e-mail about the lamictal possibly increasing my headache frequency. He got back to me in such a timely manner, it really helps me to trust him in his care for me. He said that lamictal does have the potential side effect for headache, amongst a few other things, but I wasn't experiencing those. He agreed that I should go off immediately and check with my psychiatrist on how to do that in a safe manner. I was so "high" after I received that e-mail and soooo relieved. Oh, and he also prescribed a new "resuce" medication called Depacon. It is administered by IV and I'll have to drive 45-75 min. to get it. But, I can't start using it until I'm completely off the lamictal.

I told my husband that I never thought I would be excited to go back to my previous headache pattern, which was quite frequent. But it would be so much better than what I've been experiencing lately. It's crazy, but it's true.

So Sunday and Monday were pretty much headache free and this morning I started feeling slightly irritable and sensitive to noise, but not as bad as usual, and then within an hour, slight pressure in my right temple. It's usually always in my right. So, instead of waiting around, I took a frovatriptan right away. Within an hour I was feeling 100% w/ no pressure in my head and I've continued to feel fine all day.

It's so nice to have a few days' break. Even though technically I had a migraine today, it didn't effect me at all and so I don't even count it really, although technically I have to.

I got out for my morning walk, which was so interesting today because the rivers, dikes and sloughs are flooding. Even people's yards who live in wetland areas (which is quite a bit of this area). Had to get some photos of that. Then I came home and typed a letter for the teacher's at Meyer D's school. I have asked the principal if I can put some of the calendars I'm selling on the staff room table. I just have not been able to market any accept for here on the internet. (thanks people!) So everyday that I feel good now, I have to do something towards selling a few more. I was hoping to have sold 50+ by now and I am quite short of that mark. Don't get me wrong. Anything I'm able to take and give away will be a blessing, but I have a goal and I'd sure be encouraged if I could reach it.

Also, my husband is going to be giving some financial advice to a friend this evening. The good thing about that is that I HAD to do some housework which I desperately needed to do. I was feeling so tired late in the morning. But once I started doing a little at a time it eventually faded. Thank God!

It seems like such a long time since I sensed something really important about my health, like a clue in the puzzle which is my life. An idea that was whispered to me in my Spirit for me to take action upon. It builds upon the measure of my faith and encourages me so much, even if it falls quite short of solving the problem entirely.

It gives me hope.

can i have a little help please?

Right now as I sit here eating my scrambled egg dinner (I couldn't bring myself to eat Chinese Food @ our Thailand meeting for fear of pain) I think I may have had my question answered that I threw across the sky this morning. Perhaps it didn't fall on deaf ears.... "can I have a little help please?" *I was actually hopeful when I said that.

It was a beautiful morning for walking. It had just gotten light out and the fog was just hanging low across the fields near where I walk and onto the tops of the trees. lovely! Even the ducks greeted me this morning and walked along with me for a while. They were my buddies!

And as I walked I was thinking about my worsening headaches of course, because it seems that lately it's about all I think about. It occured to me that my Lamictal was increased from 100mg. to 15omg. in early October (turns out Oct. 4th actually). That's about the time my "month from hell" started.

Then, I realized that the next dosage increase came Sept. 25th, and immediately, the next day in fact, I ended up getting IV medications and the next night landed in the E.R. The rest you are familiary with from the previous posts in the last week. This dosage increase was from 150mg. to 200mg.

Could there be a link between my worsening headaches and the Lamictal? It would be terrible if there was. It has helped me such a great deal with my moods (not counting the anxiety during menstruation and high pain levels). But overall, my husband admits I seem more loving, as in caring and nicer to be around.

But HARK! The headaches most definitely have gotten worse after each increase....

I braved church today. I took earplugs and did alright because I was feeling great before I left. We sold a few calendars this morning, about 5, and that is better than nothing.

After church my friend came and talked to me. She recently went on Lamictal and said her dose was 200mg. The interesting thing though, is she's had daily headaches since starting the medication. The other day she even had a migraine and she says she's never had one before.

I FREAKED! I had just made this correlation a few hours ago, and here she was confirming it w/out me even bringing it up!

When I got home I called the pharmacy and asked them about side effects. He said that yes, headache could be a side effect. So, although I don't know for sure, I e-mailed my PA and told him about my concern and what I've been noticing. Fortunately, all my trips to the doctor for IV meds are in my chart so it will be easy for him to substantiate that. Also, if he has more questions or needs more information, I can direct him to this blog.

It sounds crazy, but I'm so excited even though I was quite fearful at first. There are other mood stabilizer/migraine meds I can go on and this means that the increased frequency isn't a permanent thing, just due to a reaction with the medication.

The other day I asked myself the question: What kind of twisted life lesson am I supposed to learn from all this?

I think I've learned a few things in the last month.

1) that I am capable of going to the doctor or hospital when miserable, asking for help, and getting it

2) that I can e-mail my doctor and he will e-mail back and even order pain control for me

3) that I have lots of friends who love me and care about me and want to help me, especially with the children

4) that my husband wants to help me, hurts when I hurt and would do anything to help me get better

5) that IV magnesium DOES NOT work for me and even makes me feel worse

6) that sometimes I need extra aleve with DHE injections of IV's, and that if you inject yourself too close to a nerve your muscles will spaz out

7) that the throbbing pain pulsing through my neck was from borderline high blood pressure

8) that when I'm menstruating, along with super high pain, I tend to get very anxious and agitated. by asking for help, I can get medication that will keep me safe during this time

9) that there usually is a cause, explanation or a reason for what's happening to me, even if the answers are a long time in coming

10) that once pushed to the limit, I will do anything and give up anything (in this case a variety of foods) in order to be proactive in feeling better.

So, all in all, the help hasn't come yet. I'm hoping to hear a response back tomorrow, and if I haven't by late afternoon I will call my PA's advice line or leave a message for him on his voicemail. However, he seems to be exceptionally speedy and helpful with his responses, he may just have a backlog of messages from being out of the office for a week.

Tomorrow is a new day, and I will take it as it comes and deal with it the best I can.

2 great day, wahoo!

Thanks to all of you who have been praying for me. I had a fabulous day on Halloween and was able to go to tse and max-ay's chaotic classrooms for their parties, get in a short walk and make all the rounds for the kids' trick-or-treating.

I am so thankful and greatful that I got to do so. I know the kids feel ripped off a lot of the time....and they are.

It broke my heart when Shelley told me what max-ay said to her in her car the other day:

max-ay: where are you guys going trick-or-treating at? (their dad was sick and i told them if i couldn't take them out that Shelley would.)

shelley: we're going to the street of screams at the mall. that's where we always go. it's really fun.

max-ay: can i go trick-or-treating with you guys? my mom doesn't have any energy. she never has any energy. she doesn't get to do stuff with us.

shelley: well max-ay, your mom gets a lot of migraines doesn't she. she always wants to do things with you. let's hope she can go, but if she can't then i will take you with me, ok?

*I think what max-ay meant by energy is that when I am hurting my thinking shuts down and in order to take care of myself, I lay around, I mean, who wouldn't. Usually it's 3x a week that I get one, but the last month has been brutal, almost daily. And my kids know that.

About a week and a half ago on a Sunday when I was feeling good, the boys had P and C over as well as Super Star's little brothers. Then, when Super Star's parents came by, we invited them to stay for dinner because I had cooked up a prime rib, so we had plenty of food.

*tse made a comment to his dad @ bed time: I didn't know mom was feeling so good today.

(I don't remember the last time we had people over for dinner. The hubs really misses that and it's one of the things that he feels ripped off about. We have the gift of hospitality and we love to have people over. But seriously, no friends have come to dinner for at least 6 months, at least..)

Anyway, off of my pity party. Yesterday was fabulous, today was fabulous. Besides getting the Halloween pics all edited I even got a little housework done. wahoo!

Also, tonight I increased my lamictal (mood stabilizer and anti-migraine med) and Monday I started the MigraLief 2x a day. Like I said a few days ago, MigraLief is a combination of magnesium, B2, and feverfew. My "lady cycle" is almost over and I've been really lucky not to have migraines all the way through it. Just 5 days instead of the 7 i sometimes have. Also, I think the beta-blocker propanolol is really kicking in as today I've felt really tired, a little light headed and even took a nap which I never do unless I'm sick.

But like the hubs said when I talked to him @ work today. As long as there's no pain, who cares....we'll deal with the rest.

It's my time now. It's time for these to get under control. I don't know what life lesson I was supposed to learn out of all this, but I do know I have a bucketload of compassion, and extreme understanding of chronic pain, knowledge and empathy about mental illness, a tiny mustard seed of faith (which evidentally is all that's needed to move a mountain...) and finally, the ability to not suffer in silence anymore but ask for help.

It's my time, and I want this to end A.S.A.P. No more, I think I've had enough.

The Diagnosis....

Today I went to my neurology PA to get my diagnosis. I woke up with a headache and had taken something for it. On the way to the appointment the headache subsided a bit. We also stopped @ Starbucks on the way for what would be my last breve latte.

I was very nervous before he came in, hoping that I had given him all the correct information @ our last appt. He began by explaining the neurological processes of a migraine. My aftercare notes state that according to "research done in 1995... a group of cells at the base of the brain, present in all humans, may cause migraines in some people as a result of an increased or unstable firing pattern. This in turn may promote inflammation of blood vessels in the covering of the brain and alterations in blood vessel caliber."

Basically, what he was saying is that migraineurs have "irritable brains" in that the irritability is the inflammation and the tendency towards inflammation that occurs.

Both my husband and I found this information extremely helpful. In subsequent days, I would remind myself of this during some of the most excruciating migraines I have ever had. Instead of thinking that I was just an unlucky person, randomly smited with the misery of migraine, I reminded myself of the information I had learned, and realized that my pain would subside once the inflammation in and around my brain was diminished.

His first issue to address was my menstrual cycle. He said I had "probable menstrual migraines." It was decided that I would discontiue oral, continuous, birth control pills as they did not seem to be helping. According to him, two thirds of people don't receive benefit, while one third do. He let me do the math, and we all agreed that I was in the majority and not the lucky minority.

This was scarey stuff to hear. Because off of the birth control pills, I would revert to the pattern of 4-7 days of my worst migraine pain that was slow, or non-responsive to my usual treatment methods, resulting in a strain on my mental health. Yikes, I was a tad bit freaked out, but at the same time, completely in agreement with the decision.

He suggested that I learn how to self inject DHE, a medication I had received a few times in Urgent Care treatment through I.V. He said to use this for my menstrual type migraines and could be used 2-3 times during that week. (I think that's what he said anyway, that's what's on the bottle...).

Next he addressed the frequency with which I treat migraine and how this causes a rebound pattern. We all agreed that it definitely seemed like that was happening to me, as for the last four weeks I had been dealing with almost daily headaches. And, trying to carry on my normal activities like taking the kids to their soccer practices and games, helping out in the classroom, attending a chronic pain support group and other activities, I was constantly trying (it seemed) to get my pain under control so I could function. I had been trying to vary the medications I used and not use too much of one thing for fear of rebound or the medication becoming ineffective. Unfortunately, it wasn't working out as I had planned.

His suggestion, therefore, was to only treat 2 headaches a week.

Yikes, even on a good week I clearly had 3. This was going to be hard but I understood why he was saying it.

It was decided that my daily migraine med, lamictal, would be increased another 50 mg. and that I would start MigreLief, a product that contains riboflavin, vitamin B2 and feverfew (2x daily), stop drinking caffeinated beverages, discontinue use of excedrine migraine and tylenol and replace it with 2 Aleve with either migraine reversal medication I was using (frovatriptan or DHE).

I may have felt like I was being asked to step off a cliff, but it wasn't without a partially stocked, and well thought out, backpack of survival supplies....

I continued to manage the headache I had gotten in the morning with Tiger Balm and completed a very busy day, too busy I might add. But I was able to attend my last Pain class as well as my son's last soccer game, my other son's end of season pizza party and a harvest party at our church.