Thanks to all of you who have been praying for me. I had a fabulous day on Halloween and was able to go to tse and max-ay's chaotic classrooms for their parties, get in a short walk and make all the rounds for the kids' trick-or-treating.
I am so thankful and greatful that I got to do so. I know the kids feel ripped off a lot of the time....and they are.
It broke my heart when Shelley told me what max-ay said to her in her car the other day:
max-ay: where are you guys going trick-or-treating at? (their dad was sick and i told them if i couldn't take them out that Shelley would.)
shelley: we're going to the street of screams at the mall. that's where we always go. it's really fun.
max-ay: can i go trick-or-treating with you guys? my mom doesn't have any energy. she never has any energy. she doesn't get to do stuff with us.
shelley: well max-ay, your mom gets a lot of migraines doesn't she. she always wants to do things with you. let's hope she can go, but if she can't then i will take you with me, ok?
*I think what max-ay meant by energy is that when I am hurting my thinking shuts down and in order to take care of myself, I lay around, I mean, who wouldn't. Usually it's 3x a week that I get one, but the last month has been brutal, almost daily. And my kids know that.
About a week and a half ago on a Sunday when I was feeling good, the boys had P and C over as well as Super Star's little brothers. Then, when Super Star's parents came by, we invited them to stay for dinner because I had cooked up a prime rib, so we had plenty of food.
*tse made a comment to his dad @ bed time: I didn't know mom was feeling so good today.
(I don't remember the last time we had people over for dinner. The hubs really misses that and it's one of the things that he feels ripped off about. We have the gift of hospitality and we love to have people over. But seriously, no friends have come to dinner for at least 6 months, at least..)
Anyway, off of my pity party. Yesterday was fabulous, today was fabulous. Besides getting the Halloween pics all edited I even got a little housework done. wahoo!
Also, tonight I increased my lamictal (mood stabilizer and anti-migraine med) and Monday I started the MigraLief 2x a day. Like I said a few days ago, MigraLief is a combination of magnesium, B2, and feverfew. My "lady cycle" is almost over and I've been really lucky not to have migraines all the way through it. Just 5 days instead of the 7 i sometimes have. Also, I think the beta-blocker propanolol is really kicking in as today I've felt really tired, a little light headed and even took a nap which I never do unless I'm sick.
But like the hubs said when I talked to him @ work today. As long as there's no pain, who cares....we'll deal with the rest.
It's my time now. It's time for these to get under control. I don't know what life lesson I was supposed to learn out of all this, but I do know I have a bucketload of compassion, and extreme understanding of chronic pain, knowledge and empathy about mental illness, a tiny mustard seed of faith (which evidentally is all that's needed to move a mountain...) and finally, the ability to not suffer in silence anymore but ask for help.
It's my time, and I want this to end A.S.A.P. No more, I think I've had enough.
1 comment:
*hug*
I'm praying for you.
I'm a horrible pray'er though. I get halfway through the prayer and start thinking about stuff I forgot to do. I end up apologizing to God and ending it quickly.
I will send you 'healthy energy' vibes.
I think the kids hid my meds because they said, "we miss our old mom." the one who had attacks and would freak out and they thought it was funny because I had to make it funny or they would freak out if they knew how bad my panic attacks were.
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