Now that's what I'm talking about

The 27th, Monday, I ended up w/ a pretty good whanger in the evening after doing some house cleaning and getting the Christmas tree and because it was still my cycle I gave myself a shot. It took at least three or four hours for it to work, but it worked! My pain got up to a four but never went any higher than that.

Tuesday was a fabulous day that included spending time with some friends and going to the dentist as well as taking Max-Ay to the dentist. Papa D took the kids to our friends' house to get hair cuts and I stayed home to get a little more done around the house and to just take it easy.

Today was great as well. TSE brought Zachary home from school with him and they had a great time playing. He's a pretty funny kid and I enjoyed having him over.


Then, we went to the doctor's office for Meyer D's contact recheck appt. and I went extra early to get my Hepatitis A shot in preparation for Thailand. Papa D was pretty jealous of me because he needed quite a few shots and I only needed one! He must have mentioned that 3+ times. I don't see what the big deal about shots is....

I e-mailed Dr. Roz about the botox today and she said to go ahead and schedule another botox appt. and to watch and see how my next two menstrual cycles go. I told her I didn't think I was successful w/ the botox but maybe she thought otherwise. Only time will tell.

All I know is that so far I am tolerating the Trileptal very well, it's like I am having no side effects whatsoever. I don't know how much it is helping with the headaches yet but has been doing pretty well for mood. We'll have to keep an eye on that too. I'm just glad that it's been more than a month since I've needed an IV med. Even though I would like for the frequency to be decreased, at least I am able to manage the pain and care for myself at home. For now, this is the definition of success.

if today was a battle, i'm a winner

If today was a battle, I'm a winner. Typically, this would be a migraine day for me but wahoo, I was perfect all day. (Only 2 hrs. left in it!)

I have had half the migraines in this cycle so far that I would normally have and half the pain. This smells like success to me.

Today I went to church, took my earplugs and WORE THEM!! I even sold @ least 6 calendars. That was great. Then we went to my brother-in-law's for my nephew Vinh's 6th birthday. My sister-in-law, who is Vietnamese, is a fabulous cook. My BIL BBQ'd pork loin steaks, we had rice and a wonderful salad. Her parents were there and brothers, and a cousin. Lots of kids and Vietnamese talk. It's great to be the minority sometimes and have the feeling of being an outsider as you have no idea what the heck anyone is talking about. More people should have that experience in their lives. We English speaking American's are not the only ones on the planet you know!!!

Then we came home for an hour and let the dog out before going to a Thailand meeting @ a local restaraunt. I can't believe we only have 6 weeks or so left. That is just amazing to me. And, I am not as fearful about going since I have a few decent weeks under my belt and no uncontrolable pain as of present. I talked with a woman whose husband is leading out trip. She lives over there and has health problems. She goes to a very reputable doctor and I've decided that if I were to get miserable there, I would seek healthcare. Thailand has wonderful healthcare @ an extremely cheap price, so that shouldn't be a problem.

It's amazing that a month ago it seemed unfathomable for me to go and enjoy myself and now, it definitely seems in reach.

Not so bad this time

Boy, have I been slack here.

Let's see. Monday (the 20th) I had a pretty stiff headache. Gave myself a shot and it still took about 6 hours to feel better.

Tuesday and Wednesday were pretty good. Thursday the 23rd, Thanksgiving, I did pretty good until the evening. I was watching a movie on a big screen in a small room and started to feel lightheaded. I took a frovatriptan as the migraine was starting and felt better w/in an hour. Went home and went to bed only to wake up with the headache again. I got an icepack, took an Ativan and went back to sleep. I was then able to wake up without the headache.

Friday was great and Saturday was fine until about 11 am. I started to feel very sleepy and then noticed that my menstrual cycle was starting. Within a few hours I started to get a headache. By the time I decided to give myself a shot of DHE the pain was picking up to a three but never got past that. I think my worst symptom was the tiredness. It was strange, like all the energy was drained out of me. Within a few hours the pain and the tiredness was gone.

This was the first menstrual cycle in a long time that I didn't have really bad, burning type headache pain.

Trying not to jump to conclusions

Here's a cutimous picture from the photo shoot w/ my great niece miss petuniah peach. We had such a great time. My husband's family is so large that it's impossible to have intimate, personal time w/ 30+ people in a room. Friday, I got Miss Petunia Peach all to myself (so to speak). It was wonderful, because I got to see her little personality, get plenty of time holding her, and just find out what she's like.

She's a cool kid. And I think, will be very smart. She could stare at you for hours w/out blinking, it's amazing. And she's so serious. I mean, she smiles, but she just studies people, studies the world. Very quiet and calm too. I love her! And we had such great fun taking pictures of her.

I didn't really eat lunch before I left home and by the time I ate dinner I was quite hungry. I think I waited too long to eat. And all things considered, I got by pretty well w/ that even though I had a slight headache when I got home. Driving home in the dark with the flashing bright lights in my eyes probably didn't help either.

I didn't take anything before I went to bed and was able to sleep just fine.

Saturday morning I still had the headache when I woke up. It wasn't too bad and I tried to ignore it. But by 11 a.m. I realized that if I wanted to do more than ice my head on the couch all day that I would need to take something. Also, I was feeling in such a funk I realized that it was probably time to start the prozac that i'm supposed to take the 10 days before my period. It's hard to say when it will start since I'm just coming off the birth control pills, but I'm right in the ballpark. Feeling that way, well, it's just a sign.

So I took the frovatriptan, endured feeling quite moody for a few hours and was still able to go to celebrate Thanksgiving with my side of the family. I think I would have had to stay home if it weren't for the frovatriptan, and the Ativan too. I took the Ativan because the irritability problems that I get w/ my cycle started to flare up and it was either go to bed and pull the covers over my head or take a chill pill. I decided that since I was fighting a migraine I didn't need the added irritability. I think I made a good decision because the headache went away, I was able to enjoy my family, and I got a good night's rest.

I even woke up this a.m. with no headache and had a 100% day. However, by this morning, I was getting really discouraged at the botox, as it wasn't seeming to be helping me. I kept telling myself that after two weeks I'd have more days under my belt as proof to whether it was going to be working or not. Just because the first few days were less than perfect didn't mean that the next few wouldn't be better.

At least today, anyway, has been great. I've also noticed that the botox has really affected all the muscles in my forehead and on the sides of my head too. It feels tight. Do you know what it feels like to put that clear packaging tape on your face? That's what it feels like, like if I try to raise my eyebrows I feel tightness, firmness.

I suppose this is how you lose the wrinkles. I sure hope it will significantly impact my headaches. I'm sure I could endure another disappointment but I really really want this to be a go for me. Maybe it won't be THE answer, but just so it could help a significant amount would be so nice.

I'm trying to be patient and not jump to conclusions about it. It's going to be what it's going to be....all I can do is enjoy the good day I had today.

It's a Done Deal

Well, it's a done deal. Here's a most blurry-ish self-portrait of me AFTER the botox. It only took about 15 min. and there were at least 15, maybe 20 injection sites. You can see a little bump right between my eyes, and that is one that was raised for a few minuites.

It felt like someone was poking me with a safety pin so wasn't what you would call painful. But I got two on each side down by my eyebrow and those made me jump a little bit.

Definitely not a big deal.

The doctor said that 7 out of 10 people find relief. So much relief that it can decrease the pain level, frequency level, and the need for medications by 75%!!!

Truly amazing. Now I'm waiting to find out if I am in the majority or the minority. I was pretty cocky/confident at first. We even went out to dinner to celebrate! But like a dork, I ate corn chips and salsa, guacamole and mushrooms w/ my steak fajita. Except for the steak fajita, all those are NO NO's. Within a few hours I started to get a migraine on the left side which radiated all the way down my neck. I iced it for 20 min. and tried for a few hours to see how it would go w/out a frovatriptan, but by the time I went to bed there was no doubt in my mind that this was a migraine. It made no sense to try not to treat it at that point so I took the frovatriptan.

I woke up feeling great!

At first I thought I would have to cancel my great-niece's photo shoot because I had to go buy backdrop material first and she lives an hour away. It will make for a busy day and I thought I may need to take it easy. But I've been feeling so good that I decided to go ahead and do it. It's just that I'm trying to stay w/in my 2 frova's a week parameters. I DON'T want to go to Urgent Care because I get the third headache that I am not supposed to treat, AND I do not want to lay around miserable because I can't treat it.

That's why I have to take care of myself if I need to, keep things low key and be careful about my eating and my exercising. *Unfortunately it looks like I won't get to go walking today....*

Last night showed me that if the Botox helps, that doesn't mean I can just start shoving anything in my mouth that I want to. I'll need to continue watching what I eat/drink w/ all the other migraine prevention things I am learning to do.

Before Botox Photo

yipee kai yai yeah

Well, yesterday (Tues. the 14th) was a stinkin' fantabulous day. No pain whatsoever. I even went to my niece T.W.'s women's college basketball game. She is going to the U of Idaho, playing for the Vandals. They were up against the Portland Pilots (U of Portland) and lost. The whole family enjoyed the game because for virtually all of her college career she hasn't been able to play due to injury. What's great, is that her first game back, she played in the closest campus to her hometown. Almost all of her aunts and uncles got to see her play. And, I didn't even have to wear earplugs or worry about not feeling good.

Today was great too. I went walking, about 4 miles, had my kidney stone check-up (still lots of stones but we're going to wait another 6 mos. and see what happens), ran a few errands, and went to a friend's house for the afternoon. It's amazing with how just a few days of feeling perfect I already start thinking about what I'm going to do with my new life: get a job, be a better housekeeper, invite friends over, etc. I think it would be just grand if this was FINALLY the time where the well stretch far outlasted my previous record of 22 days.

So Botox is tomorrow afternoon and I'll post all of the details about that. I think that so far, the decreased Lamictal is helping, the propanolol (as I haven't had any pulse problems/artery pain) and the MigreLief. I'm hoping that the Botox will be the icing on the cake. Don't know how much all of these things will help the menstrual migraines yet, but I am hopeful.

Wait, did I say that???????

So Happy I Could Hop!

Wow, what a great day!

I felt perfect until about 1 pm today, after I ate lunch (cottage cheese & peaches w/ baked apple).

Just some pressure in my right temple so I iced it for twenty min. then went for a walk. By the time I was done walking I was back to a 100%. The cold, crisp air felt so good. I've been using ice lately and it really seems to help. Headaches can go away in an hour or so and w/out medicine. This is such a welcome change from Hell Week (last week of October).

I needed the break and the encouragement.

Only 2 more day until Botox....

I'm so happy I could do the bunny HOP!

Ya, Sometimes Life is Like That....Sometimes...

So this weekend, 3 day Veteran's holiday, I braved it and took the kids to stay @ the Breakers Hotel in Long Beach, Washington. I say braved it, because since I was the sole parent and sole chauffer, I knew I would really need to depend on my health to go.

Fortunately, it worked out great. Not just because I was able to control my headaches ( I had a few but was able to manage them), but also because there were two big storms this weekend. The trip to the Coast on the Washington slide was blocked on SR4 just 20 min. from my house due to a slide that happened from a previous storm just a few days ago. Fortunately, the Oregon side via Astoria was not blocked and is a little easier to travel anyway. I was just crossing my fingers and hoping that this route wouldn't be blocked too. Then I'd have to drive way north to Raymond and then home. Do-able but an extra long trip.

Friday I felt pretty good even with all of the driving. I ended up with a slight headache in the evening but was able to control it with tiger balm and an ice pack. It only lasted for a few hours...when I put the kids to bed I realized that I had only come in the contacts that were in my eyes. I forgot to bring my glasses and extra contacts. I am totally blind w/out them and didn't want to risk getting stuck there and not able to drive, so I loaded the kids up and drove all the way home to get them. 2 1/2 + total driving hours on Friday. Yikes! Made it home after 11 pm and we slept in our own beds.

Saturday morning we were out the door by 7:30 a.m. Felt some pressure in my head and was pretty irritable. By the time we got to Astoria, Oregon I decided to take a frovatriptan. Of course, like usual, the head not only felt better but the irritability went away too. Strange.....

It was a beautiful sunny day, a complete surprise for such a stormy weekend. We walked on the beach for a few minutes, went downtown and gave the kids each $10 to spend @ the arcade or on whatever they wanted. Then we went back to the Hotel and the kids went swimming. They have a nice sized indoor pool there. Woosh it was noisey in there, but they swam for about an hour. We rented Cheaper by the Dozen 2 from the Hotel lobby and watched that in the evening along with the latest episode of Little People Big World. Also, I had bought the kids a 400 piece puzzle before we left town and I helped them work on that too.

This morning it was time to go. First I took the dog for a walk on the beach. It was so windy that I could barely even walk against the wind. It was crazy! But as soon as I crossed back over the dunes it wasn't so bad. A good time to get out of town before the 85 mile an hour winds were supposed to pick up.

We had a pretty good drive home, not to wet but it was windy. Much better driving conditions than on Friday. We stopped for lunch/dinner @ the Logger Burger in Knappa, OR and I did a good job finding a meal on the menu that is migraine friendly. I had a green salad with carrots and beats w/ croutons and Ranch dressing, along with grilled chicken breast and baked potato. I haven't been real sure if baked potatoes are o.k. or not, but I didn't add sour cream and I didn't eat the skin (i love it but I read that the skin is high in tyramine).

We got home around 1 pm, rented a few movies and just kicked back the rest of the evening watching Sand Lot 2, Heidi, E! True Hollywood Story on Pink, and Extreme Home Makeover. I started to get a headache around 6 pm that started by the side of my nose on the right side and spread to my right temple, but I put some tiger balm on and iced it for twenty minutes. I drank some mint tea and within about an hour I started to feel fine. It was also time for my next dose of MigraLief and propanolol. I find that often in the mornings right before I take it and in the evenings right before I take it, that I feel pressure in my head. Within 20-30 min. of my taking the doses I often feel better. I think this stuff might be helping! Also, I've been encouraged this week in how my headaches have responded to non-prescription treatment and have dissipated on their own. That is very encouraging.

Only 4 more days until Botox. I sure hope that this will be the last big piece of the puzzle I need to get my headaches under control!

You Wanna Piece of Me???

Wow, what a great couple of days. On my Wednesday appointment my doctor and I decided to decrease the lamictal to half of the dose I was taking and see if the headache frequency would stabilize to it's old pattern in order that I could possibly stay on it. It really has been the best medicine I've ever taken to help with my moods. Changing medicines is always hard because you never know what kind of side effects you are going to experience. I may have to drop it all together, and even if I don't, I may still have to add something else. But for now, we have a plan.

Also, now that my menstrual cycles are going back to their old pattern I have to deal with the extreme mood changes I experience during that time. In the past, I had taken an extremely low dose of Prozac and that helped immensely. So, we are going to try that again. You take it the ten days leading up to your cycle.

Wednesday I had no headache at all and was even able to go out to dinner in Portland w/ the hubs and to a "Five for Fighting" concert @ the Aladdin Theatre. The whole thing was so awesome. We ate dinner @ Montego Bay which serves Jamaican food. Never had that before, so that was pretty exotic. I had lamb and the hubs had jerk chicken. (fortunately it didn't turn him into a jerk!)

The Aladdin Theatre is fabulous. I'm guessing it was built in the 1920's and is in the art deco style. We have a theatre like that in the town where I live that's a little bigger than the Aladdin. I loved the small cozy feel that this one had though. We got there a little after the warm up band had started. If we had went any later we wouldn't have been able to find a seat. As it was, we sat in the very back of the balcony, but still could still see just fine. I took my earplugs but didn't need to wear them.

It was so great to get out for a "date" and be able to fully enjoy myself. I actually felt like a real human!

This morning I woke up with a slight headache, but put an ice pack on my head and tried to go back to sleep for an hour. It helped a little bit. When I got up I could still feel the pressure so I put peppermint oil on my right temple where I could feel it. Within about two hours, and a little bit into my morning walk in the crisp Fall air, I went back to feeling 100%. Hallelujah!

I was very tired this afternoon. Either from going to bed @ midnight or from decreasing the Lamictal. I am wondering if I feel tired from the Propanolol (beta blocker) as it lowers blood pressure. But I would much rather deal with this side effect than be in pain. Also, that's another one of the many reasons that it's important for me to stay on Lamictal or something like it because it will help balance out even the slightest of depressive symptoms.

It may seem crazy that I would write about all this. But my philosophy is that sometimes life sucks. And that is putting it mildly. It doesn't always make since why some people would go through such difficult and challenging struggles. All I know is that I have been schooled in a class I would never register for, but here I am. It makes sense, therefore, that I make it worthwhile. To try to make something good out of something bad. It's my hope that somebody whose struggling with migraines, headaches, chronic pain, mental health issues or just life in general, will read this and know that they are not alone. And perhaps, maybe something that they read (could it be you?) could be helpful to them on this crazy path called life.

Measure of Faith

I took this picture because last night the weather man predicted that the Cowlitz River (near where I live) would be 15 feet above flood stage. That's quite a bit. This morning on my walk....there it is! The weather man's not always this accurate. I am sure he is thankful when he is, especially in important circumstances like this, where people's homes and livelihoods could be effected.

Sort of like my day yesterday.

I had been waiting for my doctor to respond to my e-mail about the lamictal possibly increasing my headache frequency. He got back to me in such a timely manner, it really helps me to trust him in his care for me. He said that lamictal does have the potential side effect for headache, amongst a few other things, but I wasn't experiencing those. He agreed that I should go off immediately and check with my psychiatrist on how to do that in a safe manner. I was so "high" after I received that e-mail and soooo relieved. Oh, and he also prescribed a new "resuce" medication called Depacon. It is administered by IV and I'll have to drive 45-75 min. to get it. But, I can't start using it until I'm completely off the lamictal.

I told my husband that I never thought I would be excited to go back to my previous headache pattern, which was quite frequent. But it would be so much better than what I've been experiencing lately. It's crazy, but it's true.

So Sunday and Monday were pretty much headache free and this morning I started feeling slightly irritable and sensitive to noise, but not as bad as usual, and then within an hour, slight pressure in my right temple. It's usually always in my right. So, instead of waiting around, I took a frovatriptan right away. Within an hour I was feeling 100% w/ no pressure in my head and I've continued to feel fine all day.

It's so nice to have a few days' break. Even though technically I had a migraine today, it didn't effect me at all and so I don't even count it really, although technically I have to.

I got out for my morning walk, which was so interesting today because the rivers, dikes and sloughs are flooding. Even people's yards who live in wetland areas (which is quite a bit of this area). Had to get some photos of that. Then I came home and typed a letter for the teacher's at Meyer D's school. I have asked the principal if I can put some of the calendars I'm selling on the staff room table. I just have not been able to market any accept for here on the internet. (thanks people!) So everyday that I feel good now, I have to do something towards selling a few more. I was hoping to have sold 50+ by now and I am quite short of that mark. Don't get me wrong. Anything I'm able to take and give away will be a blessing, but I have a goal and I'd sure be encouraged if I could reach it.

Also, my husband is going to be giving some financial advice to a friend this evening. The good thing about that is that I HAD to do some housework which I desperately needed to do. I was feeling so tired late in the morning. But once I started doing a little at a time it eventually faded. Thank God!

It seems like such a long time since I sensed something really important about my health, like a clue in the puzzle which is my life. An idea that was whispered to me in my Spirit for me to take action upon. It builds upon the measure of my faith and encourages me so much, even if it falls quite short of solving the problem entirely.

It gives me hope.

can i have a little help please?

Right now as I sit here eating my scrambled egg dinner (I couldn't bring myself to eat Chinese Food @ our Thailand meeting for fear of pain) I think I may have had my question answered that I threw across the sky this morning. Perhaps it didn't fall on deaf ears.... "can I have a little help please?" *I was actually hopeful when I said that.

It was a beautiful morning for walking. It had just gotten light out and the fog was just hanging low across the fields near where I walk and onto the tops of the trees. lovely! Even the ducks greeted me this morning and walked along with me for a while. They were my buddies!

And as I walked I was thinking about my worsening headaches of course, because it seems that lately it's about all I think about. It occured to me that my Lamictal was increased from 100mg. to 15omg. in early October (turns out Oct. 4th actually). That's about the time my "month from hell" started.

Then, I realized that the next dosage increase came Sept. 25th, and immediately, the next day in fact, I ended up getting IV medications and the next night landed in the E.R. The rest you are familiary with from the previous posts in the last week. This dosage increase was from 150mg. to 200mg.

Could there be a link between my worsening headaches and the Lamictal? It would be terrible if there was. It has helped me such a great deal with my moods (not counting the anxiety during menstruation and high pain levels). But overall, my husband admits I seem more loving, as in caring and nicer to be around.

But HARK! The headaches most definitely have gotten worse after each increase....

I braved church today. I took earplugs and did alright because I was feeling great before I left. We sold a few calendars this morning, about 5, and that is better than nothing.

After church my friend came and talked to me. She recently went on Lamictal and said her dose was 200mg. The interesting thing though, is she's had daily headaches since starting the medication. The other day she even had a migraine and she says she's never had one before.

I FREAKED! I had just made this correlation a few hours ago, and here she was confirming it w/out me even bringing it up!

When I got home I called the pharmacy and asked them about side effects. He said that yes, headache could be a side effect. So, although I don't know for sure, I e-mailed my PA and told him about my concern and what I've been noticing. Fortunately, all my trips to the doctor for IV meds are in my chart so it will be easy for him to substantiate that. Also, if he has more questions or needs more information, I can direct him to this blog.

It sounds crazy, but I'm so excited even though I was quite fearful at first. There are other mood stabilizer/migraine meds I can go on and this means that the increased frequency isn't a permanent thing, just due to a reaction with the medication.

The other day I asked myself the question: What kind of twisted life lesson am I supposed to learn from all this?

I think I've learned a few things in the last month.

1) that I am capable of going to the doctor or hospital when miserable, asking for help, and getting it

2) that I can e-mail my doctor and he will e-mail back and even order pain control for me

3) that I have lots of friends who love me and care about me and want to help me, especially with the children

4) that my husband wants to help me, hurts when I hurt and would do anything to help me get better

5) that IV magnesium DOES NOT work for me and even makes me feel worse

6) that sometimes I need extra aleve with DHE injections of IV's, and that if you inject yourself too close to a nerve your muscles will spaz out

7) that the throbbing pain pulsing through my neck was from borderline high blood pressure

8) that when I'm menstruating, along with super high pain, I tend to get very anxious and agitated. by asking for help, I can get medication that will keep me safe during this time

9) that there usually is a cause, explanation or a reason for what's happening to me, even if the answers are a long time in coming

10) that once pushed to the limit, I will do anything and give up anything (in this case a variety of foods) in order to be proactive in feeling better.

So, all in all, the help hasn't come yet. I'm hoping to hear a response back tomorrow, and if I haven't by late afternoon I will call my PA's advice line or leave a message for him on his voicemail. However, he seems to be exceptionally speedy and helpful with his responses, he may just have a backlog of messages from being out of the office for a week.

Tomorrow is a new day, and I will take it as it comes and deal with it the best I can.

This is getting really old....

This is getting really old....I woke up with another headache after spending all day yesterday with a mild one. It's hard to keep a good attitude.

My pain was at a three but my thinking was really slow and I was feeling kind of out of it. There was nothing here at home that I am allowed to take, and remembered the IV magnesium for "rescue."

This was a rescue kind of a day.

I know the magnesium didn't work last time, and my pain got worse a few hours afterward, but I also got it when my pain was really high to start with.

Because my pain was at a three I figured that if it worked, my body would respond to it better since things weren't out of control. And, if it didn't work, then we'd know and could move onto something else.

So, the hubs drove me an hour to get the treatment, and sure enough, no change in pain. On the way home (another hour...obviously...) it started to pick up. Without even asking him, the hubs drove me over to Urgent Care because they hadn't closed yet. To see what they could do for me. I was starting to get really discouraged too. The good attitude I had earlier had completely faded and I was pretty down.

The nurse that was helping me was nice enough, but she was asking me all kinds of questions that I was annoyed with. Like, don't you have a doctor helping you with this? Haven't they given you this or that medication? Have they given you this....Do you have a neurologist?

Yes, yes and yes I answered and geesh, I just wanted a stinkin' drug to get rid of the pain. I could overhear her talking to the doctor and it was like: what are we going to do w/ that lady w/ a migraine. I mean, I have been in and out of migraine treatments a lot over the past week.

So she comes into give me the shot of torredol and I had been crying. Like, the booger/snot/gooey/yuck kind of crying. Just so despondant and so tired. So, so tired. And, she's like, you shouldn't cry because that'll make it worse.

Like freakin' duh!!! I've only had these since i was EIGHT YEARS OLD...I think I know that crying makes it worse but I CAN'T TAKE IT.

I totally wanted to smack her.

I could tell I was being kind of short with her and apologized, I just told her that it wasn't her and I was having such a difficult time handling it all.

As soon as I got the shot I left the joint and my hubby could tell that I was over the top upset. He sort of got in my face (in a good way) and we went home. The pain decreased a little. Like down to a three from a five. Not good enough. I waited a few hours and decided to take a frovatriptan. I wanted to wait a few more days as I'm only supposed to treat 2 a week, but when the mental health starts to fade, what are you going to do? Also, I just had to get by until my doctor gets back on Monday and I can tell him what a tough time I've been having. Also, when I had gotten home from the doctor, I took an Ativan to calm down and relax which I knew would help me get rid of the headache and help me wait until the pain went away. I think I also took 2 aleve before I took the frovatriptan, and that didn't seem to help either.

However, I am happy to say that within an hour the frova worked and it was such a relief. I went in my hallway and took this self-portrait of myself. Because this is what the real me looks like when I'm tired, discouraged and hurting.

What will tomorrow bring? I'm trying not to think about it.....

Satisfied

Today was not a perfect day, but I'm so satisfied with it. I woke up with my symptoms being irritability (not terrible but there) and sensitivity to noise. Is this an aura? Have to find out about that.

Sent the kids off to school and went walking. Gosh, it was really raining but I better get used to it. As Winter is 1/4 of the way here, it's always warmer when it rains. And here, it rains a lot. So I have a plan, I bought an obnoxius looking rain slicker and a dorky hat but it will work. Even so, today my pant legs got wet. But the fresh air felt good on my face. When I am feeling this way I don't do well when it's stuffy and always want cold air on my face, so it was perfect.

My pain didn't get any worse so I went to the grocery store. It's dangerous to go when I'm not perfect because sometimes I'll get worse. But at the same time, I can't wait around because I'll never go. Besides, I was waiting for payday and we were out of so many things. As soon as the money hit the account I was walking down the grocery aisles.

I could have saved the shopping for the hubs, but I've decided to go on a massive elimination diet. It is so worth any sacrifice to even 1/2 my pain days and try to avoid I.V. treatment. Don't get me wrong, it's helpful but not easy. It's not the needle or the I.V. itself, it's how the drugs make you feel. Besides, pain @ the level it takes to get me there is no picnic. So, I wanted to get some things to help me feel like I have something to eat. I even found some cookies that have just a trace of soy which is one of my biggo offenders. (don't ask me how I'll avoid this in Thailand....)

Got home from the grocery store and felt great. Think it took me a little too long to eat lunch though. Although I did have an unripe banana and Koala rice bar for a snack @ 11:30. Had to make my Vietnamese rice paper rolls for lunch though. Maybe I'll post the recipe if anyone comments or e-mails and is interested. Pretty dang tastey and quite different from things we normally eat here....us caucasin americans.

I felt a bit more pressure after lunch and the pain went to a 2. But the weird thing was how much my thinking shut down. I just thought it did when it got to a 3 or a 4 but I think it's one of the symptoms in general. I just took it easy the rest of the day, used tiger balm a couple of times, iced once, stayed in a dark room but did watch television. Just kicked back.

It is so totally rare that when I start off like this that I stay @ this level. Makes me wonder if it was just decreasing the sugar, wheat, yeast, etc. that I was sort of withdrawling from. It's not just a piece of cake going off those things. Anyway, I am SO SATISFIED. I have been waiting for a day like this for at least a year. Maybe longer. Sometimes my pain will just stay @ a 3 all day, but this is even an improvement on that.

I am determined to follow through on this elimination plan and I won't even call it a diet. More of a life change. I've done it before but added stuff back. And it was hard to tell what was bothering me. Within a couple of months I'll know if it helps and then I will KEEP DOING IT. It's worth the sacrifice to be different because I'm different anyway....

Oh, and it must be emphasized that I didn't take any medicine today. I sure hope I can get to @ least Monday before I need frovatriptan because the goal is that I only treat 2 migraines/headaches a week.

Some Interesting Quote and Food For Thought...

My grade school/high school/migraine/ chronic pain friend Steph sent me http://www.nwcn.com/sharedcontent/health/stories/101706cckkHEALTHfibromyalgia.4aaae4d9.htmltonight. It's a story about a woman with Fibromyalgia, but there's a quote in the story that I really could relate to.

It's a short, interesting story. One of the things it touches on is people not understanding, the mood disorders it causes or is related to, and most importantly, the realness of the condition regardless of whether or not people understand the suffering of those that are afflicted with chronic pain.

"Almost everything in medicine can be measured or tested or read from an x-ray. But pain remains elusive. There's nothing to go on but the word of the sufferer that something hurts. No dial or readout can tell how much." (Bill Marevl/The Dallas Morning News)

*If you are praying for me, 1) pray for my kids and my husband that they won't be angry and resent what's happening 2) pray for my trip to Thailand Jan. 8-18 that my doctors will let me go and that I will have plenty of pain management techniques in place so that I don't end up in the hospital over there 3)pray for endurance when things get bad that I will remember the good things to live for and to remember that "this too shall pass..."

*If you are in chronic pain I pray that you are encouraged to know that you are not alone, for peace in the midst of trials, for hope that things will get better and patience to keep you going until they do.

Lots of Things to Think About

So far, so good today. I began reading "50 Ways to Control Migraines" by Ceabert J. Griffith, N.D., P.A.-C.

Packed w/ some very informative stuff. It gave me so much to think about and discover about my condition. In a super strange way it's kind of exciting. I'm totally willing to do and/or change things myself that will help and alleviate some of the frequency.

Interesting Info #1
I've put myself on an elimination diet before and discovered a couple of triggers and I already knew one. But there were numerous more that I had questions about. After reading part of this book, many, many foods I had questions about contain "amines, a group of vasoactive, nitrogen-based protein components. These substances cause the blood vessels to narrow and then expand, touching off a headache. The following amines have been implicated:
*Dopamine: in legumes, such as peanuts, peas, broad beans, and soy.

*Tyramine: in aged foods, such as cheese, yogurt, buttermilk, sourdough, and overripe bananas. Red wine, beer, dried or pickled meat, salami, nuts, figs, raisins, avacados, and fish also contain high amounts of tyramine (onions).

*Histamine: in cold water fish, such as salmon and tuna.

*Phenylethylamine in chocolate.

*Octopamine and synephrine in citrus fruits.

*Trytamine: in tomatoes and pineapples." (p.23)

(foods highlighted in green I had already suspected and foods highlighted in orange I had questioned but wasn't sure.)

The interesting thing I noticed in this list, is that last night about 1/2 hour after I ate dinner, my headache hit. I had mentioned before that my menstrual cycle was not over. That, I believe, was factor #1. The other interesting thing though that I noticed on this list, was 2 things I had for dinner. Factor #2 was buttermilk and pecans (nuts). I made buttermilk waffles for dinner and left the syrup off because refined sugar is another suspicious food for me. So to be safe, I left it off and used homemade strawberry freezer jam instead.

One of the things the book said is sometimes it is a combination of triggers. Like, maybe something won't bother you but put it in combination with a couple other factors, specifically menstruation, and it will. I believe that's why there were so many foods I wasn't sure about. It could be the reason why sometimes a food will bother me and other times it won't.

Very interesting...

One thing's for sure, with the way this month has been I am totally in that place again of being afraid to eat. Back are the times where I look in the fridge and close the door because I am scared that what I put in my mouth will hurt me. It's frustrating. Because I do not have an eating disorder. I have a headache disorder that is exascerbated by my eating.

It takes a lot of dilligence to go on an elimination diet, and I had already sort of started. But now, I'm willing to slice off all of these offenders even if they don't trigger me, all because I want to feel better so desparately bad. It's hard, but I'm willing to forego temporary pleasure in the palate for even a few extra days a month that are pain free.

Interesting Info. #2
A couple of other things I noted were that sometimes if you get a headache in an airplane you can take supplemental oxygen and that will help. I am definitely going to ask about that. Once, when I flew to New Zealand, I spent the whole first full day (not when I got there but the full day after I had slept) with a headache. I had to stay in bed w/ the lights off and my head hurting. Sure, maybe it sounds like jet lag but I think it was more than that.

I am going to go to Thailand in about 9 weeks. I've been really concerned about "losing" a day w/ headache due just to the travel itself. I am going to ask my P.A. about the oxygen specifically for this purpose. It is sooo worth a try.

Interesting Info. #3
Migraines w/ aura vs. Migraines w/out aura

I always thought that my migraines did not have an aura. This book explained four phases of a migraine: Prodrome, Aura, Headache and Postdrome.

Found on page 50, prodrome includes fatigue, irritability and food cravings. I have really been noticing that lately I've been craving salt. Other times I will crave chocolate and for decades, I used to crave bread products. Also, yawning is included. Sometimes I will not be tired, but just yawn and yawn, and not be able to stop. Like every couple of minutes. It's quite strange. I've always sort of wondered about this and thought it odd. People will say, "Are you tired?" and I would say, "No!"

Aura includes "vision disturbances; numbness or weakness on one side of the body; slurred speach; sensitivity to light and sound." (also on p. 50) What I need to ask my doctor about is this: sometimes when I'm looking at something, my eyes will shift back and forth very fast. Now, this is something that has happened to me off and on for so long that I can't remember when it started. It doesn't seem like a flashing light to me, but my eyes definitely dart and for a split second, I can't see. It's just a split second and doesn't endanger me in any way or impair me. It's about as fast as a blink of an eye. Also, and I told my doctor this, (actually many doctors!) that sometimes I will be irritable and sensitive to sound and later, maybe within a half hour or hour or so, a migraine will start. There have been a few times when I haven't been having lots of headaches that I take abortive medications for, that I will take a maxalt, imitrex or frovatriptan (abortive medicine) at this stage. Miracle of miracles, the irritability disappears as well as the noise sensitivity and the headache will never come.

I am wondering if I should pay attention to these symptoms better, especially during my cycle, and take my medications then instead of waiting for the pain. This wouldn't always work, sometimes the pain comes first. Or, maybe I'm so used to the "aura" that I miss it.

These are wonderful questions I have for my doctor now.

Last Night There Was a Freakin' Baby Kicking Around in my Leg....

Geesh! It was a great day yesterday, but in the evening, around 7:30, my left temple started to hurt. It wasn't but 30 min. and it was ramping up. Since it's still technically a menstrual migraine I decided to do the DHE injection and not let it get very far out of control...to the point where it wouldn't subside w/out a lot of drugs!

Like last time, first I took the compazine and waited 20 min. I got the syringe ready before my thinking diminished anymore and i wouldn't screw it up like last Thursday.

This time I put it in my right thigh and made sure I was extremely relaxed in that muscle, hoping that my leg wouldn't hurt so bad and for so long like it did on Monday.

It didn't hurt when the medicine was going in, but as soon as I pulled the syringe out my leg started to hurt. Man, that's the weirdest thing. Last night I could have used a pair of crutches, it would have been easier to get around.

I layed down and iced the site and pretty soon the muscle started twitching. Then, it started twitching all up and down the top part of my thigh. It felt like there was a baby inside kicking around in my leg.

I was a little nervous about it because I have started the beta blocker and all, and I can't see what's going on in there. I took 2 aleve to help with the migraine, the pain in my leg, and was hoping that it would help the jumpiness in my muscle. But, just to make sure, we called the Advice Nurse and she said it would be gone by the morning and that I had probably nicked or gotten closer to nicking a nerve. That made sense to me so I didn't worry about it. Within 2 -2 1/2 hours after the injection my migraine pain was gone, and within another hour my leg stopped hurting so I could walk on it. Also, this time I had no pain in my back and chest which had concerned me on Monday. So, all in all, pretty successful.

I did, however, wake up @ 2 a.m. and was still up @ 3. And, I felt wide awake, like it was morning or something. I decided that with just getting over the migraine that losing sleep would probably not help things any. I took 1 Ativan (anti-anxiety) to see if it would help me sleep and probably within a 1/2 hr. I was back in dreamy land.

My concern now, is that my menstrual cycle doesn't seem to be over yet. My DHE perscription says that the injections are for 2-3 x a month. I'm not counting the first one I did since I am positive I didn't have any medicine in it. So that makes 2x so far. But, since I just went off the Levlen (oral b.c. pill for menstrual migraine) it could take a while to get back on my regular cycle. All I'm supposed to be treating myself w/ is Aleve w/ either DHE or Frovatriptan, and those are to be used 2x week. I'm not worried about the 2x week so much right now because he said there'd be bad weeks and with the menstrual action going on, I'm definitely in that week. It's just that if the bleeding continues and I have to do one more injection in the next couple of days, I will pretty much be out of options of how I can help myself here and stay w/in my doctor's orders.

I would just e-mail him about this but he won't be back in the office for 5 more days. I will definitely need to contact him then. I could leave a message with one of his partners, but when I did that last week I never got a call back.

I don't want to annoy the people who are trying to help me (i.e. shoot my help in the foot) but at the same time I need to stay within the parameters that the PA gave me. I have a lot of questions because I have more than 2x a week, so what am I supposed to do on the other days I get one? If it's just pressure @ a 3-4 I can pretty much get by w/ staying home, using ice and heat, not doing any housework and using tiger balm and/or salonpas, peppermint oil. But, if it's the menstrual type, the ones that start up fast and feel more burning, then I can't not treat these. I know he knows that too and doesn't want to leave me hanging, I just didn't take the time to get clarification on how to attack these.

I think he was thinking that I would get IV magnesium sulfate in these in between circumstances. But, we didn't know that 1: I would have to go 40 min. to over an hour away 2. each time I get a treatment the doctor has to call it in and o.k. it first 3. the first time I tried it it didn't help.

I think I can make it until monday though. I really hope. Including today, it's just 5 days away. I cannot predict what will happen in 5 days but I'm sure even though it could be difficult that I can make it until then.

Thank God I'm feeling better today though. Shelley picked me up this morning in her new Honda Element and I went to Starbucks w/ my other friend Susan and their friend Cindy. It's a small thing, but was so nice to have a little girl time. When I got home I started a fire in my woodstove so it's nice and toasty down there. I got 2 new books yesterday that the PA wanted me to read, so think I will take my TAZO Green Tea down there, curl up and start reading "50 Ways to Control Migraines" by Ceabert J. Griffith, N.D., P.A.-C.

2 great days, wahoo!

Thanks to all of you who have been praying for me. I had a fabulous day on Halloween and was able to go to tse and max-ay's chaotic classrooms for their parties, get in a short walk and make all the rounds for the kids' trick-or-treating.

I am so thankful and greatful that I got to do so. I know the kids feel ripped off a lot of the time....and they are.

It broke my heart when Shelley told me what max-ay said to her in her car the other day:

max-ay: where are you guys going trick-or-treating at? (their dad was sick and i told them if i couldn't take them out that Shelley would.)

shelley: we're going to the street of screams at the mall. that's where we always go. it's really fun.

max-ay: can i go trick-or-treating with you guys? my mom doesn't have any energy. she never has any energy. she doesn't get to do stuff with us.

shelley: well max-ay, your mom gets a lot of migraines doesn't she. she always wants to do things with you. let's hope she can go, but if she can't then i will take you with me, ok?

*I think what max-ay meant by energy is that when I am hurting my thinking shuts down and in order to take care of myself, I lay around, I mean, who wouldn't. Usually it's 3x a week that I get one, but the last month has been brutal, almost daily. And my kids know that.

About a week and a half ago on a Sunday when I was feeling good, the boys had P and C over as well as Super Star's little brothers. Then, when Super Star's parents came by, we invited them to stay for dinner because I had cooked up a prime rib, so we had plenty of food.

*tse made a comment to his dad @ bed time: I didn't know mom was feeling so good today.

(I don't remember the last time we had people over for dinner. The hubs really misses that and it's one of the things that he feels ripped off about. We have the gift of hospitality and we love to have people over. But seriously, no friends have come to dinner for at least 6 months, at least..)

Anyway, off of my pity party. Yesterday was fabulous, today was fabulous. Besides getting the Halloween pics all edited I even got a little housework done. wahoo!

Also, tonight I increased my lamictal (mood stabilizer and anti-migraine med) and Monday I started the MigraLief 2x a day. Like I said a few days ago, MigraLief is a combination of magnesium, B2, and feverfew. My "lady cycle" is almost over and I've been really lucky not to have migraines all the way through it. Just 5 days instead of the 7 i sometimes have. Also, I think the beta-blocker propanolol is really kicking in as today I've felt really tired, a little light headed and even took a nap which I never do unless I'm sick.

But like the hubs said when I talked to him @ work today. As long as there's no pain, who cares....we'll deal with the rest.

It's my time now. It's time for these to get under control. I don't know what life lesson I was supposed to learn out of all this, but I do know I have a bucketload of compassion, and extreme understanding of chronic pain, knowledge and empathy about mental illness, a tiny mustard seed of faith (which evidentally is all that's needed to move a mountain...) and finally, the ability to not suffer in silence anymore but ask for help.

It's my time, and I want this to end A.S.A.P. No more, I think I've had enough.

2 great day, wahoo!

Thanks to all of you who have been praying for me. I had a fabulous day on Halloween and was able to go to tse and max-ay's chaotic classrooms for their parties, get in a short walk and make all the rounds for the kids' trick-or-treating.

I am so thankful and greatful that I got to do so. I know the kids feel ripped off a lot of the time....and they are.

It broke my heart when Shelley told me what max-ay said to her in her car the other day:

max-ay: where are you guys going trick-or-treating at? (their dad was sick and i told them if i couldn't take them out that Shelley would.)

shelley: we're going to the street of screams at the mall. that's where we always go. it's really fun.

max-ay: can i go trick-or-treating with you guys? my mom doesn't have any energy. she never has any energy. she doesn't get to do stuff with us.

shelley: well max-ay, your mom gets a lot of migraines doesn't she. she always wants to do things with you. let's hope she can go, but if she can't then i will take you with me, ok?

*I think what max-ay meant by energy is that when I am hurting my thinking shuts down and in order to take care of myself, I lay around, I mean, who wouldn't. Usually it's 3x a week that I get one, but the last month has been brutal, almost daily. And my kids know that.

About a week and a half ago on a Sunday when I was feeling good, the boys had P and C over as well as Super Star's little brothers. Then, when Super Star's parents came by, we invited them to stay for dinner because I had cooked up a prime rib, so we had plenty of food.

*tse made a comment to his dad @ bed time: I didn't know mom was feeling so good today.

(I don't remember the last time we had people over for dinner. The hubs really misses that and it's one of the things that he feels ripped off about. We have the gift of hospitality and we love to have people over. But seriously, no friends have come to dinner for at least 6 months, at least..)

Anyway, off of my pity party. Yesterday was fabulous, today was fabulous. Besides getting the Halloween pics all edited I even got a little housework done. wahoo!

Also, tonight I increased my lamictal (mood stabilizer and anti-migraine med) and Monday I started the MigraLief 2x a day. Like I said a few days ago, MigraLief is a combination of magnesium, B2, and feverfew. My "lady cycle" is almost over and I've been really lucky not to have migraines all the way through it. Just 5 days instead of the 7 i sometimes have. Also, I think the beta-blocker propanolol is really kicking in as today I've felt really tired, a little light headed and even took a nap which I never do unless I'm sick.

But like the hubs said when I talked to him @ work today. As long as there's no pain, who cares....we'll deal with the rest.

It's my time now. It's time for these to get under control. I don't know what life lesson I was supposed to learn out of all this, but I do know I have a bucketload of compassion, and extreme understanding of chronic pain, knowledge and empathy about mental illness, a tiny mustard seed of faith (which evidentally is all that's needed to move a mountain...) and finally, the ability to not suffer in silence anymore but ask for help.

It's my time, and I want this to end A.S.A.P. No more, I think I've had enough.